"How's training going?"

Today is June 27th. In just over one month, by AUGUST 4th, there needs to be $2,000 in the account I've set up through Team in Training. That $2,000 will go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to propel their pursuit of a cure to blood cancers. I can't articulate the incredible legit-ness of LLS, as they are an organization that not only fulfills its mission, but does so with a grace and integrity that is all too rare. If you have ventured to my fundraising page, you will recognize the thermometer to the left. This represents where we are at in fundraising. There is significant progress from zero, but it is very apparent that we have a ways to go. What a wonderful opportunity you have to.. bring the heat, if you will. =) Please donate to this BEYOND WORTHY cause. Your donation is not for me at all-- it goes directly to LLS!


Many people in my day to day life know that I am training for the Triathlon. I am so grateful for everybody's support! I've been amazed and incredibly encouraged by the confidence that people have in me to do well, and to meet the $2,000 fundraising goal. Times like now, with a serious fundraising dry-spell, are when I rely on that support most. People frequently ask "How is training going?" How fortunate am I to have so many people interested and curious about my training? It's really great, and I'm very appreciative. I often don't know how to respond. Training for this race has been a lot different than what I imagined it would be. As I think about it, I guess I didn't have a clear expectation of what it'd look like, but it's all just not what I vaguely expected. I honestly don't feel like I'm doing a whole lot that is different from when I worked out without triathlon aspirations. Except for riding my bike more... it all looks very much the same. So when people ask how training is, I think I'm kind of like "same old same old... nothing really exciting." Sure I get to swim with people once a week, and there's a group bike or run once a week, too, but the intensity of those sessions is nothing to boast about. I think that I somehow have the mentality that people expect my training to be hugely intense and have some astronomical aspect to it... I probably assume that's their expectation because it is my deep down expectation. So when I report "oh, we swam 2000 yards at training..." that's lack-luster and disappointing; I don't feel good about reporting it. Don't get me wrong-- keep asking! The constant flow of verbal support is so awesome and appreciated. I guess this could just be a small disclaimer to my reply of shrugging shoulders and "pretty good." Please know that I am enjoying this process and am getting more and more excited for the big day. I am sincere when I say, however, that my primary motivation is now to raise the money for LLS. That is what I am here for and while I didn't have that at the front of my mind when I signed up, it has now taken the pilot's seat and is completely steering this journey. I am grateful for your support in my training, and I am especially grateful for your support in the fundraising as it is the fuel behind the fire. Donate today-- don't put it off until tomorrow or your next paycheck. People are dying from blood cancers TODAY. Research can be done TODAY. But it can only be done with your support.

The rest of this post is actually a section of a previous post from June 7th: "00:01:24." Many of you are newer to this blog and may not have read earlier posts. This section is incredibly pertinent to those of us who aren't swimming in cash and have no intention to just give away the little that we do have:

"It boggles my mind how attached we are to money. I am completely at fault, too, (I'm known as 'frugal to a fault') so I am learning a huge and humbling lesson here-- gotta love those. It is so easy to receive these fundraising letters from people going on mission trips, or raising money for their sports team, or for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and to have an instinctive "I'm broke, no way can I donate." But isn't it interesting how after we throw away that letter or delete that email, we pick up in our habits of paying $5 for our morning coffee, spending an ungodly amount to go see a movie at the theatre, buying an extra treat or two at the store, splurge on that super cute shirt-- even though you have three of the exact same one... this one is your color. I think it's easy to see the "Will you please consider donating to this cause?" and to feel like one contribution won't make any difference at all, when that is completely false-- one contribution makes all the difference. If you received my letter and think your pocketbook can't possible stretch to cover this cause with everything else it is already covering, would you at least take a look at what you are 'donating' to? Would you be willing to give up your morning Starbucks for a week (even a day), and send that money to benefit LLS? Would you possibly rent a movie to watch with your friends/family tonight and donate the difference in what you'll spend? No doubt-- money doesn't grow on trees. But I think if we are a little more creative and conscious of the way we spend what we do obtain, we will find that we are more able to support WORTHY causes such as LLS. I committed to raise $2,000, and by golly I'm going to raise it. But by no means can I do it by myself. Trust me, if I could I would (I've always hated group projects and stuff like that, I'd rather do it all myself). I am not asking you for $2,000, that'd be ridiculous. I am asking you to show your support for LLS through a donation of whatever size is appropriate for you. 'Appropriate' is a door that swings both ways."

That being said... donate, friends.

Tarzan Doesn't Do Flip-turns

I don't know about you, but I have been frequenting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's website. I recently ventured into the information they post regarding their research and was amazed! I tend to get long winded on this thing and all of the information I learned at the site, I am afraid I would bog down the entire Internet between the actual info and all my thoughts and reactions to it. I just get so excited to learn that they are not settling for the current treatments that are available to people diagnosed with cancer. While these treatments are exponentially better than nothing at all, the fact of the matter is that they are not a cure and that remission is a very frequent occurrence (there's a cool thing about why remission happens... stem cells and stuff...). So LLS is working so hard at taking the next step forward form the current treatments and that is finding a cure. YOU have the opportunity to help support them in this pursuit. LLS heavily relies upon donations in order to continue to research and stay hot on the trail of a cure to blood cancers. Opportunity is knocking at your door right now. You can donate to the LLS via my fundraising webpage. By participating in the 2008 Accenture Triathlon with Team in Training have committed to raising $2,000 for LLS by August 4th. So far, we have $680 and I am so excited about the strong start. However, a race is not complete until one crosses the finish line. If in the triathlon I climb out of the lake after a stellar swim leg and then lolly-gag through the bike and run, I'd consider it an unsuccessful race-- I'd get 'swept' where they come through and say you have to stop because you're going too slow. The same thing can be said for Fundraising. We are about 30% there-- so let's feel good about the first leg, and execute the next with a new level of enthusiasm.


Last night was a "Mandatory Swim." They require people to attend certain training sessions throughout the summer to make sure that everyone is on the right track, so come race-day no one will flop too horribly.
Instead of our normal drills that we do at the beginning, we learned two new ones: "Tarzan" and "Spot the Buoy." These drills address the fact that the lake is not a pool with flags and a black line on the bottom to help the swimmer know where he or she is in the water. I was very excited for these drills as the open-water aspect of the swim leg is a large contributor to my anxiety. "Tarzan" essentially is swimming with your head out of the water. Awkward? Yes. Uncomfortable? Yes. Efficient? Hardly. Helpful? Probably. So there I go, swimming like a barbarian and I finally made it to the other end of the pool. This is the point where I usually do a flip-turn as it is a more efficient way of turning than grabbing the wall and shifting all around. However, amidst the "Tarzan" fun, I apparently misjudged how close to the wall I actually was. As I flipped, my heels slammed onto the pool deck instead of into the water. Man ALIVE that is the most jarring feeling! I have done this before in a less dramatic fashion. When I did it yesterday, I acquired bruises of course. With any bruise there's always a picture:

Left:

Right:




I think I am destined to be cripple. That has been the excitement of the past twelve hours. In the long run, it's no big deal. I'm just walking around on my tip toes today and hoping tomorrow will be better. What is wrong with me?! I am so klutzy! Given-- getting doored was NOT my fault... this whole Tarzan Shenanigan though... I've gotta claim that one.

Biking this Saturday. =) Say a prayer for the Iron Horse.

Surprise!

I thought that our group training on Saturday was going to be a bike along the lakefront. However, once I arrived, I realized that it was a run along the lakefront. I froze once I put two and two together... I had barely just run for thirty minutes, and we were scheduled for a 60 minute jaunt! I have always been painfully annoyed at the 'injured person' at practice... no matter how legit their ailment is, their pansy presence is obnoxious. So, I refused to be that person... I went on the run. Here's the funny thing: I was leading the 'pack.' We went out to the Lakeshore trail and started just slowly moving as a giant blob. I knew that I had to just run at a pace I knew I could sustain for an hour because with my knee, I had to focus on dealing with whatever excitement that would bring up as opposed to pushing myself to be faster. So, my easy easy soccer-warmup-lap-pace ended up being faster than everyone else. That threw me off. There were some tough looking chicas and chicos out there... So on the way out I ran by myself not knowing how close anyone was behind me-- I really didn't care, I just didn't want my knee to kill me. I kept going, and before I knew it 30 minutes had gone by. I pulled over to stretch my quads (running outside is SO different than on a treadmill.. my quads get way tighter way faster) and within a minute, a couple of guys from the TNT group went by and I said "are you turning around?" and they said "just a couple more minutes..." so I decided to follow them. I had come to like my spot at the front... =) So we went a little farther then turned around. I don't like running with people. It is mostly because I mentally compete and then get frustrated when my own goals for the workout are interrupted by my reaction to the other person's presence. So the first half of the run was better than the second by far, but I don't know how much of it was due to genuine fatigue versus the fact I was running with other clowns. I'm still dumbfounded that I was leading all that time though... it was an INCREDIBLY slow pace. Very interesting. But honestly it was an encouraging day-- to know that even with a crazy bum knee I was still holding my own on a long group run. And the fact that I could finish the run without breaking my leg off is also a HUGE development that I feel good about.

Today I volunteered at a sprint triathlon in Naperville, IL. I wanted to go to see what a triathlon looks like, especially the transition area! Unfortunately, our job was to hand out water and Gatorade at an aid station, so I didn't get a glimpse at transition at all. But I still had a good time! I got a great TNT T-shirt and socks! Also, I met some other people who are training with TNT for a different triathlon and they were a fun group. I am particularly grateful for a kind woman named Jin who came to pick me up at 3:45am! Such generous people in this organization.

I wanted to share something that a donor wrote in an email:

"I am sending you a check for the LLS in support of you and in memory of Glenda who recently died of leukemia. Glenda was 53 years old with a beautiful smile and countenance. And she had a great sense of humor. I miss her. Glenda was very grateful for the platelets she received as part of her treatment. She requested that memorial gifts be sent to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society." --Ruth Johnson, Salem, OR

It's been amazing to hear the stories that people have about their friends or family members who have encountered a blood cancer. It both amazes and inspires me when people donate in their honor. One does not need to be diagnosed with cancer themselves to see the profound impact it has on the entirety of life. I am pleased that so many are able to transform the horror of watching a loved one endure the battle into an opportunity to take a stand and do something about it. Donating will directly fund an organization that is diligently pursuing cures with integrity. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society is one that I so passionately support due to their absolutely fantastic and genuine work in this field.

So... surprise!! I can run for 60 minutes straight... and that is means for another wave of donations. =)

Bruise be GONE

First-- please accept my most sincere apology for the panic attack which was my last post. I won't attempt to explain it or make it better. It happened, it's over for the most part, we move on.

My bruise is almost completely gone:

No more crazy disgusting purple splotch to show the world. I am grateful as it did attract some.. unique characters. However, despite the lack of colorful decoration, the pain persists! Running is no painless endeavor, but after a run is the worst. The inflammation process is one that continues to plague and irritate me beyond belief. I am making incredibly slow progress, but progress nonetheless, and for that I will be grateful. I hit 4 miles today and that's exciting. I hit it slowly... but I hit it.

Swimming on Wednesday was... __________. I just can't think of the right word to describe it. Right before we got in the pool I felt weird.. I was still recovering from Tuesday's freak-out, and I ran a couple hours before I got to the pool, so my knee hurt... and everything going on in life all just made one funky emotional concoction. I was put in a lane with a crazy fast girl. During swim meets in high school, I remember a similar sense of panic and as soon as the gun fired, it was just an all out scramble to get to the end of the pool and back (heck yes 50 free). Any technique or strategy or anything I'd picked up in training was absolutely lost as I frantically flailed my limbs in every effort to go fast. When I was in the lane with this fast girl on Wednesday, the same thing happened! I was so worried about getting lapped (which definitely happened-- twice) and getting behind in the main set... It was ugly. If you've ever participated in a team sport, you can probably remember a practice where the coach seemed to completely harp on one person the WHOLE session. They couldn't do anything right in the eyes of the coach, and at every break or speaking opportunity a new command was barked at the poor soul who drew the short straw of being the focus of the coach's attention. On Wednesday, I was that kid. We started with the normal hum-drum drills which I really am not a fan of. Then we had a weird set-- 1x600 and 1x300 with 30 sec rest, then 6x50 w/10 seconds rest and a 200 cool down. NOT A HARD WORKOUT. Between the 600 and 300 I didn't take the full 30 sec rest because crazy fast girl had already started her 300 and was one lap ahead of me and I hate being behind. After the 600 the coachES asked me "did you stop between 600 and 300?" and I said "yes" because I did and then they just looked at each other. Then I was informed that my hips are "herky-jerky" and I need to focus on keeping my core tight so that my body rotates as one instead of my top half rolling to the side (freestyle is swum on one's side, not their stomach) while my hips stay flat. I agreed with the man and focused on it in the next drill. After the 6x50's I looked up at the coach in a "was that any better?" way and got a disapproving look that will stay burned in my memory for a very long time followed by "I'll talk to you after practice." my stomach PLUMMETED while my heart SHOT UP into my trachea-- not conducive for breathing-- AIRWAY! I have mentioned before that I hate to get 'in trouble' or reprimanded in any way. Believe it or not I am a people pleaser and I want those around me-- especially a COACH-- to be happy with my performance or role in whatever the activity. And obviously this coach was not happy. I cooled down trying to focus extra hard on being perfect. Out of the pool this is what went down:

COACH #1:
C: "You're obviously a swimmer. You have a very strong stroke. But you kill it with your hips."
(gotta love the 'compliment sandwich' approach... twist the knife!!)
K: "Oh."
C: "You need to focus on tightening your core and rotating as a whole instead of in halves..blahblahblahblahablhablahbalhablahablahblah"
K: "Okay."

COACH #2:
C: "Did he talk to you about your core?"
K: "I need to keep it tighter."
C: "Do you do ANY core work at all?"
K: "...Yes."
C: "REALLY. I wouldn't have guessed. You really need to work on that more."
K: "Okay."
C: "Did he talk to you about your entry?"
K: "No."
C: "Every time your hand enters the water you are stopping your forward propulsion from the previous stroke. That's very inefficient."
K: "Oh."
C: "Did he tell you about your head?"
K: "...No."
C: "It's all over the place.. up down side to side-- it is essential to efficient swimming that it is absolutely still... and yours is the opposite of still."
K: "Oh."
C: "So work on that this week."
K: "Okay."

A few thoughts:
* Of all things to target-- my core?! Particularly harsh.
* When I joined swim team in high school, I didn't know how to swim (gotta love peer pressure). So after I got taught the main stroke, the coaches kinda realized that I wasn't going to be winning any state championships and decided I wasn't really worth the time or effort of coaching. I'm genuinely over it because I didn't really want to win any state championships for them... swimming was a way to stay in shape when soccer wasn't as intense as spring, summer, and fall. So... I wasn't coached during high school at all really, and then the swim club at North Park never had a coach. I've kinda just done my own thing in the pool and it's worked out for the purpose of working out. Now that I have coaches who are actually coaching it is a tough mental shift to make to receive their coaching as helpful instead of hurtful. I have no doubt that the pointes they are making are incredibly legitimate- but man it's just... a bummer
* I really want to say that I was so worried about getting too far behind crazy fast girl and that is why my stroke went to pot, but I don't want to make excuses.

The rest of that night was ROUGH-- the El ride home was just awful, my head full of every critical point that was brought to my attention in the hour before, I just felt AWFUL and so incapable and embarrassed that I didn't perform better. And whenever I feel vulnerable like that, anything else significant in life automatically contributes to the distress: licensing exam, being broke, not being able to go home for...ever, needing to raise $1400 before August 4th..., SPANDEX?!, licensing exam, licensing exam, licensing exam... it all just collided to make for one ugly breakdown on the El. You know when you're on the train and there's someone that everyone notices but refuses to acknowledge? The elephant on the train, if you will...? That was me... weeping in the corner. Unfortunately, Wednesday nights are apparently THE night to be downtown and return to the northside on the Brown Line, as it is always CRAZY crowded and you can't breathe much less cry in private. It was the longest and worst El ride of my life!

But, I made it home (I turned down a wrong street walking back from the El station... twist the knife!!!) I was supposed to go to a Movie in the Park with my roommates, but couldn't bring myself to face anybody! I was so beside myself and not socially capable of anything. I went straight to bed and woke up the next morning still feeling ..off. But I woke up, and got out of bed, remembered to breathe in and out. The worst of that breakdown has passed, but the remnants are still there. I don't ever want to swim again! I'm just so embarrassed not only by my apparently AWFUL swimming ability, but also by my reaction to being coached! There is nothing wrong with what anybody said to me-- they're supposed to tell me what to fix in order to be a more efficient swimmer, they're doing their job! I'm mortified that I'm a crybaby and let their assessment hurt my feelings so dramatically!
Now I just have to decide what I'm going to do about it. More on that later, I'm still processing.

Meanwhile, I've gotten a couple more donations! I'm so excited that we've made such progress.

AUGUST 4th

is the deadline for fundraising!!!! By this time, we will have raised $2,000! That's so exciting. We still have a lot of work to do, so get excited, but also, be encouraged by where we're at! I'm still VERY excited (nervous-- but excited) for this triathlon and there is just over two months until the big day! HOORAY!

Spandex

During a study break today, I decided to go to the official website of the triathlon to educate myself a little bit on what to expect on the big day. Despite the fact that I intended my web surfing to last no more than a couple of minutes, two and a half hours later I realized that I had gotten completely engulfed (and overwhelmed by) what I found.
I was specifically looking for pictures. Below are SOME pictures I found of a World Cup Triathlon in Madrid... I have no clue how I stumbled upon them when I was looking for Chicago pics. I want to know what this race is going to look like, especially the transition areas. I need to mentally prepare myself for this stuff so I am not thrown off by it on race day. I saw the term "flying dismounts" and somehow ended up watching these videos of some World Cup triathlon... (click on Ishigaki, then select either the women's or men's video, both are equally daunting.) Many things about this video have caused me great distress:

1) SPANDEX: While I have known this whole time that spandex will be worn under my wetsuit, and then during the bike and run, I have managed to block that detail out of my mind. These videos, however, brought it to my attention in a dramatic way. The people in these videos are professional triathletes-- they can do spandex quite well. I am NOT a professional triathlete and probably never will be-- I am okay with that. Regardless, I still have to do spandex. I have never worn spandex outside of 4 year old gymnastic leotards that could still be considered cute no matter how much baby fat spilled out of them. I am 22. My baby fat is no longer cute. Tell me that you looked at the above pictures and did not automatically think "NO WAY would I bike in my swim suit." In this regard, the swim leg will be the best-- I will be in water and will have a protective wetsuit to suck everything in. However, upon emerging I will have to publicly strip off that armor and bear my spandex for a 40k bike and a 10k RUN. ...spandex is one thing-- running in spandex is a whole new level of humiliation! I am in a small (okay huge) state of panic about this. Maybe I will put some soccer shorts at the transition area to throw on over the spandex...? ugh.

2) IRON HORSE: I am mortified at the bike I have chosen to use in this race. The iron horse is sufficient for getting to work, the grocery store, some social endeavors... maybe even a pleasure ride along the lake. But she is hard to pedal as her mountain bike tires do grip the ground quite well. I am nervous about the distance of the bike and that my legs will be SHOT at the end of the bike consequently killing me for the run. I know that mentally I will be completely thrown if I am unable to perform at an optimal level during the run because my legs are too tired from the bike. I would do close to anything to obtain a road bike. Pretty much the only thing I won't do is buy a new one. AND-- I really don't know if the old IH will make it to the race! For pete's sake she is on her last spoke and it's only mid-June. Some serious tuning up is needed-- SERIOUS. I wish none of this cost money!

3) I've never done a triathlon and my first go at the sport is the LARGEST TRIATHLON IN THE WORLD. What was I thinking?! Of all 'maiden voyages' I choose the largest one possible?! I really don't do large crowds well (especially in previously mentioned spandex!)-- I am going to have a panic attack at this! I decided that I need to do a sprint triathlon before Accenture in order to mentally prepare for everything: how it all works, how transitions work, how my body will feel during the different legs, etc. I started looking for some and found one that is on August 2nd. I am about to sign up for it-- the one thing holding me back? You guessed-- $$$. It's a $50 registration fee, plus about $14 in processing fees. I want to be putting this money directly toward LLS. I know that I could weasel my way around it and say 'well, by making myself a better triathlete, I'll be more excited and able to do well in Accenture and that is what I am doing in order to raise money for LLS...' But it all seems kinda roundabout. If I can find a way to rationalize it legitimately, then I'll sign up.

Here's another video-- watch it, I'm not kidding. Then you'll understand my current state of mind...


...so... what?
In short (but not really.. this is long): I'm panicked. I know I have the physical ability to swim 1.5k, bike 40k, and run 10k. I think I can even do them one right after another. But the atmosphere of the triathlon is scaring me more than I can say and I am getting cold feet already.

BUT

I will NOT back down and I will do this-- it's just a matter of how gracefully I'll do it. I think it will be key to have perspective and remember WHY I am doing this. I am almost positive that the people diagnosed with cancer have panicked once or twice in their journeys. I bet that they have questioned their ability to fight such a disease and win, and have been worried about looking funny in the midst of it all. My anxiety about being glamorous and graceful really are so silly when I put them into perspective. Spandex might not be my best look, but I'll be competing in the race I'll have trained all summer for. My bike might not be awesome-- but I'll have a bike that will (hopefully) get me from point A to point B. It might be a HUGE event, but I have a wonderful training program that will prepare me for the event better than I could have prepared myself. This will be successful and we will raise $2,000 for LLS-- and honestly, that is all that matters.

"HOLY COW!"

What a fantastic expression to have come out of my mouth as I go to sleep last night AND wake up this morning! As I checked the fundraising site right before bed and FIRST THING this morning, I saw a new donation EACH TIME! I am so grateful and so ECSTATIC to report that we have reached $500 before recommitment! GREAT WORK!
Every donor is equally wonderful. My nursing buddy (who essentially got me through nursing school) and her husband, and anonymous! Awesome. Thank you so so much.
Anonymous donors: I find it admirable in a sense to donate anonymously... but at the same time, I am very intent on thanking those who donate. I feel badly when I cannot give due thanks! Please feel free to donate anonymously, don't get me wrong, but just know that I AM SO GRATEFUL and I would express it to you individually if I knew who you were!

Good work, friends. Get excited-- next goal: $2,000!

Hmm...

It's crazy to me that every time I wallow in discouragement, something great comes along and I am shaken out of it.
I don't even know if 'discouraged' is the right word to describe my mentality the past couple of days, but maybe... put-out, disgruntled, puzzled, maybe even overwhelmed.
Today is Sunday-- it is night, meaning it is almost Monday. The day after what is essentially today... so in a sense-- tomorrow-- is Recommitment Day. In essence this means $500 needs to be in the account I've set up and committed towards raising $2,000 in for LLS. Right now there's $430. The donation front has been dead silent since Wednesday. Don't get me wrong-- I am elated and beyond grateful and speechless at the donations that have come it. My parents, my aunt, my teammate, my babysitting family, my pharm professor, and anonymous... so incredibly generous, so incredibly appreciated. I don't want my perplexed-ness at the current standstill to seem like a lack of grattitude for the progress that has already been made. While I'm bewildered at those who have donated in the best way possible, I am also bewildered at the fact that I sent out over 200 letters and can count the number of people who've responded (one way or another) on two hands. I'm sure I'm learning some huge lesson in this process, and trust me I'm very excited to learn what it is. But, in the meantime, if you're planning to donate and just haven't gotten around to it, CARPE DIEM! The time is now, recommitment is just around the corner. If you have already donated-- THANK YOU a thousand times over-- but don't think you've exhausted your helping-potential; you can continue to spread the word to everyone who crosses your path-- EVERYONE. You never know who has been touched by cancer in one way or another, and supposedly people are excited to donate-- it's just a matter of asking. So please tell your friends! Forward them this blog site, forward them my fundraising site, and don't hesitate to give them my contact information so they can ask any questions or express ANY concerns.

A few randoms:

1) I have calluses on my hands from riding my bike everywhere-- does that make me a real biker?
2) My knee is at a standstill-- just like fundraising. I'm really bad at slow progression, much less stagnation! I'm excited that I can do 3 miles, but frustrated that it's still not a comfortable three miles, and that I haven't been able to break through it. Perhaps next week? Maybe when we break $500, I'll also break 3 miles. Worth a shot!
3) I am absolutely terrified when I ride my bike anywhere. As previously mentioned, I ride it EVERYWHERE so I spend a solid amount of time each day in an insanely fearful state. I really think I have a post-traumatic stress issue. It is starting to interfere with my life as I am just bitter and jaded as I ride my bike... 'These darn motorists... no respect for a biker!' I know that's untrue and that I am harboring everything that went with getting doored, but I don't know how to get over it! crazy!


I guess that's it. I always think of little tidbits I want to add on to this thing throughout the day, but then when I sit down to type, my mind goes blank. Rats.

PLEASE DONATE AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

Bike Fit

I recently received this bit of information in a weekly update email from TNT:

"LLS currently has committed approximately $19 million to research that is specific to pediatric forms of ALL, AML, Hodgkin's lymphoma, and rarer pediatric blood cancers, including CMML. And, we are supporting research projects focused on identifying children most at risk for long-term and late effects of particular treatments so that these children might receive alternative treatments or preventative adjuncts that are now being tested."

Most of you know that I am one huge exam away from being a Registered Nurse and working at Children's Memorial Hospital, one of the nations top pediatric hospitals. So, when I read the above quote, I was elated. I currently work as an aide at CMH and float to different floors. I have been on the Oncology floor multiple times, and while seeing any child sick enough to be in the hospital is heartbreaking, the Oncology unit is sometimes extra hard to bear. Before I'd worked on the floor, I think I'd desensitized myself to the phrase 'kids with cancer' or 'pediatric oncology.' But after caring for them and their families (families are a SIGNIFICANT part of a child's care-- hugely significant), and seeing first hand the intensity of their situation, I am overwhelmed by the tragedy and almost injustice of it all. These are kids-- but they fighting in a war that is much larger (hopefully) than any of us will ever face. These children are by far some of the most resilient people I have ever met, and have given me a completely different connotation to that phrase I'd earlier shaken off. Kids with cancer are heroes in a sense-- they relentlessly fight tooth and nail to stay alive with a grace and maturity that is far beyond their years. No child should every have to endure cancer and all that goes with it. When I read this weekly update and learned that LLS is committing $19 million to research specifically for pediatric forms of blood cancers, the incredible amount of respect I already had for this organization increased ten-fold. Let this latest initiative testify to the integrity and great-ness of LLS, and motivate you to make a donation and play a role in the pursuit of a cure for blood cancers.
Last night there was a 'bike-fit' clinic at a triathlon shop (Element Multisport) run by TNT team members. It's really a cool store and they have nothing but the best intentions for the athletes they serve. This clinic described what a bike-fit is, why it's important and what is involved. Appropriately, a bike fit is where they interview, assess, and evaluate you and your lifestyle to see what bike measurements will give you the best biking experience possible. Through a ton of crazy accurate infared tools and giant protractors and hanging weights that some how measure angles... they can generate insanely accurate measurements that will ensure the most efficient and safe fit for the rider's bike. It sounds like an AWESOME thing to do-- especially if one is pursuing competitive biking. The one drawback is that it's three hundred bones! HA! When he said that part I may have laughed out loud, and while I thought my outrage was appropriate, apparently it wasn't as nobody else seemed phased by that number. The explanation of all the parts of a bike-fit session was rather overwhelming as I didn't know half of the things he was talking about. The guy seems so nice and qualified but I had a tainted attitude ever since the three hundred stunt. Then he started dissing mountain bikes. No kidding they're the least efficient racing vehicles outside of a tricycle, but I almost see those who ride them regardless as ultra-brave rather than crazy stupid. We KNOW that so much of our efforts in earning a good time and what not is wasted due to our chunky tires and non-clip in pedals and lack of aero bars blah blah blah. Ugh, the poor Iron Horse. This intelligent man went on to describe upgrades that can be made to mountain bikes to make them more bearable: clip-less pedals (that require clipless shoes) the combination of the two ring up to around $200. Also, slicks which are road tires on my pitifully small 26inch wheel. I have actually seriously considered slicks and hope to get them as soon as my awesome bike-guy can do it.
All in all it was good information to obtain, as I really have enjoyed cycling and can see it being a long term pursuit. If that is the case I will have to retire the Iron Horse at some point and invest in a real-bike, so it's good to know what I'll need to look for and everything. At the end of the clinic they raffled off a free bike-fit. Needless to say, I didn't win. But it's good, I'm sure the winner will use the fitting well. I've been humbled a lot in this whole experience, I won't lie.

The fundraising that we've accomplished this far is encouraging but it's far from over. Continue to spread the word! Tuesday is recommitment! That leaves us three days until $500 needs to be in the account, then we can focus on the rest. Keep up the great work and lets make this happen!

Great Work!

=)

I've been so encouraged over the past couple of days as donations have started to come in. Admittedly, the first day after I sent out my fundraising letter and all was silent on the donation-front, I was discouraged. I didn't understand why donations weren't flying in, after all, it was a quick, easy and safe donation method being online and everything... But the saying holds true: patience is a virtue. Even those who I didn't send a fundraising letter to have donated after hearing about the opportunity from those who did receive a letter (see-- word of mouth works!!). I am beyond grateful for the support and generosity that the donors have shown. Their gifts are fueling not only my motivation in training, but most importantly the pursuit of a cure for blood cancers, and that is the most exciting part of it all. Currently I am at $430 (if you check the fundraising site and see $400 instead of $430 it is because one donation has come in NOT online and will take a little longer to be posted on the website). This is phenomenal progress! We have 5 days to raise $70 more in time for Recommitment Day (June 17th) where we need to have raised $500. Once we get there we can shift our focus to completing the $2,000 minimum. Get excited, friends, it is going to be great.

Training is going steadily. I have been spinning a lot-- I forgot how much I enjoy spinning! I've said it before, and I still hold to it-- the thing that makes spinning great is that you can decide how 'hard' you go. If the rest of the class is pansy-ing out, there is nothing stopping you from taking it up a notch; your intensity does not affect the intensity of those around you. If the rest of the class obviously ate their Wheaties that morning and you did not, you can take it easy for a minute with no consequences outside of a lighter workout. I appreciate that sense of control. There are three gyms that I am bouncing between right now: Galter Life Center , NEIU, and Bally's . Last Saturday I went to Galter on a guest pass to spin and lift. I love that gym and if it weren't an ungodly initiation and monthly fee I'd join it in a heartbeat. They have the Group Ride program, which is what I did at my home gym on winter and summer breaks. It is a great program that I wish I had access to on a regular basis! Spinning has been helpful in getting some of the strength in my legs back since I haven't really run consistently for THREE weeks now (minorly panic-worthy!). Unfortunately the guest pass at Galter was only good for one day, so I also go to NEIU or Bally's. NEIU is good for their pool mostly...it's usually very clam with few people there, and relatively clean. but they also have spinning classes 4 days of the week and a weight room that is better than no weight room. I have ventured to some of their ab classes and yesterday I did a 'muscle sculpting' class. I always feel SO GOOFY in those classes! On Tuesday at spinning, I was the ONLY ONE there! That was interesting, I hate being the only focal point for the instructor. But it was still good. I'd be content with Bally's alone if it were closer! It is a solid and terrifying bike ride to get there (especially on game days for the Cubs-- I ride right by Wrigley Field... it was cool the first time, now I hate it! It's pure chaos) which is unfortunate. While Bally's is crowded and doesn't have the fancy pants equipment that North Park has spoiled me with, it does have the equipment I'm looking for all in one building. I'm working with the authorities at North Park to see what I can do to use their gym even though I am an alumnus, not a current student. Their gym is amazing and I miss it a LOT. So the gym pursuit has been interesting. I'm sure you're fascinated.
My knee still isn't awesome. No huge improvements on the running front but I've accepted that it will be something that takes time and to expect/force it to happen overnight is both ignorant and foolish. Swimming last night was good. Whenever I get out of the pool, my nose is PLUGGED for like twenty four hours afterwards! Needless to say, I have felt like I have a head cold for the past three weeks. Anyways-- last night there weren't many people there which I personally like. I got my own lane which was GLORIOUS. We did a more challenging workout which is always appreciated. I feel some camaraderie with those I swim with which is an unexpected perk. I always go in to these situations somewhat awkwardly because I'm always on the younger end of it all. Most of the people there are at least four or five years out of college and have established themselves in the professional world, etc. (or at least that's the impression I get). But it's still fun and I enjoy the team-ness of it; I think it almost starts to fill the void of not having a soccer team anymore. Almost.

Keep spreading the word about fundraising! We have proved that we can do it, so lets get excited about continuing on in the journey we have started! Bike training is this Saturday, and as long as I can find a ride and the Iron Horse doesn't putz out before then, I will definitely be there. We'll hear another mission moment, too, which is always super inspiring and motivating-- look forward to a recap!

It's Getting Hot in Here!

The temperature is RISING, my friends. Both outside and in FUNDRAISING! Check out my fundraising page to see the thermometer rising (literally!). Thanks to my wonderful parents and teammate, some significant progress can be seen. While we are much farther today than we were yesterday, we still have a ways to go. Don't consider this a job well done yet because it is FAR from complete. I'm $285 into this and have $1,715 to go. WHO'S WITH ME?!
Perhaps breaking this down into smaller increments will be less daunting. Let's give it a shot. June 17th is Recommitment Day where there needs to be $500 in my account. We are over halfway there (I say 'we' because by no means am I doing this by myself-- YOU are in it just as much as I am!) Spread the word to EVERYONE you can think of! The grocery store clerk, your dentist, your neighbor, your pen-pal in France... everyone! If we got 200 people to give ten bones, we'd be GOLDEN. If we get 1000 to give TWO DOLLARS, we're set.
Let's get this done!

After my pity party Saturday, I kinda said 'enough is enough'. Sunday turned out to be a really great day for many reasons, one of which is that I ran! I went to the gym with the intention of swimming, but was still in a small funk from the day before and saw the crazy crowded pool and gagged. I could not bring myself to body bump these strangers in a bacteria filled pit. So, I figured I'd gotten to the gym, it'd be a pity to waste the time and energy spent in getting there. So, I eyed the treadmills... and thought "what the hey." I climbed on, very wary of the beast and walked my warm-up-- I was ultra in tune with my blasted knee and so focused on stepping properly (I'm pigeon toed... and I think when I walk properly it feels better than when my toes are pointed in... just a theory).. so I was focused. I warmed up and stretched and started running. GLORY GLORY GLORY, just like the beginning of my first attempt, I was loving it. I'm amazed at how great it can feel to run on a stationary machine! At 00:01:14 my knee started to hurt again-- and I was ENRAGED. Not only was it a less than awesome weekend already, now I was regressing in the time it took for my knee to start hurting?! I said no. I got so angry that I pushed through. Yea it hurt, but come 5 minutes in, it was okay. I could feel it, no doubt, but it wasn't as excruciating as my first running attempt. That was exciting.. really exciting. I ended up going THREE MILES! Pre-injury I'd be ashamed at that distance and scold myself for wussing out just three miles in. But given the circumstances, three miles was a huge victory and I was elated. Honestly, I should have stopped at 2.5 because it did hurt a lot then and then progressed to excruciating by 2.85, but I hate leaving a mile unfinished... I was elated when I stepped off that treadmill (carefully). I hobbled over to stretch, then awkwardly biked home (the same route of dooring-- dangerous) then threw some frozen green beans on my knee that had blown up to the size of ...big again. Yea, it hurt, and yea it's kind of stiff today, but it makes me so happy that I could run that far without keeling over in pain. Regardless of that victory, though, I have a 10k race that will need to be finished for the triathlon-- and that will be after swimming and biking. So while my knee isn't ready for the race yet, yesterday makes me think it is well on its way, and that is a HUGE relief.

DONATE DONATE DONATE!!! Recommitment is JUNE 17th! THE TIME IS NOW, MY FRIENDS, don't delay, let's cure blood cancers TODAY!

0:01:24

Sometimes I get surprised. My jaw literally drops, all air shoots out of my lungs, and the only thought I can manage is "are you kidding me?"
I took a big step in fundraising and sent out my letter to as many people as I can think of. I have been told over and over again that this will be the best way to get a good response. Who am I to doubt the success of past fundraisers? So I did it-- twice. My earlier described surprised response came when the first (and only--the initial 'anonymous' donation was actually me--i thought maybe it wasn't working since no donations had come in..) donation came from a former soccer teammate of mine who is now a missionary in Spain. She went to Spain almost immediately after graduating college... all of this is to say that she has had to do her fair share of fundraising that makes mine pathetic-looking, and she probably isn't exactly rolling in the dough. It boggles my mind how attached we are to money. I am completely at fault, too, (I'm known as 'frugal to a fault') so I am learning a huge and humbling lesson here-- gotta love those. It is so easy to receive these fundraising letters from people going on mission trips, or raising money for their sports team, or for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and to have an instinctive "I'm broke, no way can I donate." But isn't it interesting how after we throw away that letter or delete that email, we pick up in our habits of paying $5 for our morning coffee, spending an ungodly amount to go see a movie at the theatre, buying an extra treat or two at the store, splurge on that super cute shirt-- even though you have three of the exact same one... this one is your color. I think it's easy to see the "Will you please consider donating to this cause?" and to feel like one contribution won't make any difference at all, when that is completely false-- one contribution makes all the difference. If you received my letter and think your pocketbook can't possible stretch to cover this cause with everything else it is already covering, would you at least take a look at what you are 'donating' to? Would you be willing to give up your morning Starbucks for a week (even a day), and send that money to benefit LLS? Would you possibly rent a movie to watch with your friends/family tonight and donate the difference in what you'll spend? No doubt-- money doesn't grow on trees. But I think if we are a little more creative and conscious of the way we spend what we do obtain, we will find that we are more able to support WORTHY causes such as LLS. I committed to raise $2,000, and by golly I'm going to raise it. But by no means can I do it by myself. Trust me, if I could I would (I've always hated group projects and stuff like that, I'd rather do it all myself). I am not asking you for $2,000, that'd be ridiculous. I am asking you to show your support for LLS through a donation of whatever size is appropriate for you. 'Appropriate' is a door that swings both ways.

I tried running on Thursday. It was absolutely glorious for one minute and twenty four seconds. Oh how I have missed the regular beat of the treadmill, lip syncing to my "Workout Mix"... That 0:01:24 quenched the increasing thirst that resulted from being parched for two weeks without running. However, at 0:01:25 extreme pain didn't necessarily knock at my door-- it broke it down. Words cannot articulate how much it hurt. It's not even the weight-bearing part of my stride-- it is the swing through; as I bring my bum leg forward it is the most excruciating sensation in the world. Pathetically, it isn't even due to my lack of tibial tuberosity-- it is the exacerbation that said tuberosity shenanigan caused. I have Petellar Femoral Tracking, meaning that my kneecaps are just screwy due to uneven strengthening of my quadriceps. It's rather complicated, and while I find it quite fascinating, I won't bore you with the details. No matter how much strengthening or therapy I do, I cannot seem to even out these darn quads so my knees essentially hurt all the time. My dooring incident took what was already quite uncomfortable and raised it to the millionth power. Something about inflammation blah blah blah. I guess it makes sense because the tibial tuberosity is where the patellar tendon attaches... and if that whole area is broken/inflamed/painful, it only makes sense that my silly pre-existing kneecap issues would grow and multiply and dominate my life.
Anyways-- all of that is to say that I skipped out on the group run this morning and it has kind of put me in a bad (okay, terrible) mood. I have admittedly struggled to keep a positive attitude through this injury and am struggling to gain some perspective. One of the triathlon coaches was telling me about a friend of his who got doored. His friend broke like every bone in his body and is at Rehab Institute of Chicago, a long term rehab facility (which is honestly the best facility in the nation, but to be in any facility is awful). So for like an hour after hearing that I was feeling better about my comparatively minimal injury, but at one minute and twenty five seconds, all perspective gained from that was lost. I'm sure I'll learn something.. I'm sure I'll build some character or something. I better anyways, sometimes I feel like that's all these trials are good for.

Summary: donate, please; open your car doors with caution.

Re-Vamped!

Okay, friends, I've updated my fundraising website. I've even received an annonymous donation already which is very encouraging. Admittedly, I am worried about fundraising, but know that it will be a great exercise in trusting that it will pull through with some hard work and diligence, and in depending on those around me to be supportive.

Swim training last night was good. We did more speed stuff than endurance which is somewhat confusing, as this will be more of an endurance event. Last week at swimming I was told my stroke was too 'speed oriented,' and this week I was told it was too long and if I wanted to get anywhere fast, it needed to be shorter. cOnFuSiNg! But-- I am grateful for coaches that... coach. It's been a while so that is refreshing! I also have missed the team atmosphere of swimming. I get really competitive and push myself so much harder when I am swimming WITH people rather than alone. If I go to the pool on my own, I might compete with the person in the next lane, but when that person is doing a half-hearted side stroke, or when they're a super star olympic swimmer... it gets rough. I feel good about being at the Purple Group because I'm not the fastest and I'm not the slowest. It's working out so far.

Fundraising is by far my biggest concern. We have our 'recommitment date' on June 17th. Before then, we need to have at least $500 in our accounts. If not, we get 'talked to.' I hated getting reprimanded while growing up-- especially from outside authorities (teachers, coaches, etc.-- I remember once I had to 'sit on the wall' in grade school during recess and I just started bawling! Traumatic!) Anyways-- so I'd like to avoid said 'talking-to' at all costs! Aside from my fear of 'getting in trouble' the fact of the matter is that people are fighting tooth and nail with these blood cancers: leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma-- and they need OUR help. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Soceity is exactly the kind of organization that we can confidently support and trust to provide the best help possible. I do encourage you to visit their site as it is a true testament to the wealth of information they provide cancer survivors and the community surrounding them. Also, you can learn about the research and progress they have been making, patient services they offer, public and professional education provided, and the advocacy and community services they bring to the table. I don't link to their site for show, I truly want anyone who reads this to understand what a fantastic organization LLS is!

Up next is (appropriately) a bike maintenance clinic and a group run. I am ELATED for the clinic as I mentioned in my previous post, the Iron Horse is hurting. I am very nervous for the group run because it has been a solid two weeks since I have run. I haven't gone that long since last summer-- with a knee injury (ha!-- really not funny.) I am not sure what my participation will look like in that, but time will tell... it always does. Either way, I'm looking forward to it.

Don't forget to check out my new and improved fundraising page to track and contribute to my fundraising progress!!

Arthritic Horse

The verdict? Broke off my tibial tuberosity. That darn thing has been sticking out for far too long anyways. Worry not-- this will not inhibit me from competing in the triathlon, as there really is no treatment outside of ice and advil for 6-8 weeks. I see this as a good thing, as I can swim and bike. Running is the one thing that I am not cleared for. All in due time. It will work out.
Last Saturday I went to bike training that was almost the same as the previous week. I enjoy biking more than I thought I would. My poor bike though, it's ... feeling the burn, I think. When my generous chauffeur took the old girl out of the back of his car, the rear break wouldn't release. Good thing there were some bike guru's on the scene to fix 'er up. As I got on to start the ride, I realized the chain was off, too! This was all rather distressing, as I had ridden it maybe two hours earlier to get to the place that I was meeting my ride! What POSSIBLY could have happened en route to the forest preserve that made the iron horse so weak?! It was the first time in this that I seriously doubted the ability of the Iron Horse to carry me through this race. She shifts whenever she wants, the handle bars get loose after twenty minutes of riding, the rear brake doesn't work at all now... I worry about the Iron Horse. It's been a faithful bike for the past four years, but I think this last haul will kill her-- especially if any more traumatic events happen (cough-dooring-cough).
I went to a spinning class today at one of the gyms I weasel my way into. I like spinning. It amazes me how much I can sweat. Spinning, though, is a good cardio workout and I like that I can call the shots as to how hard I go. It makes me feel a teensy bit better about not being able to run yet. TEENSY. I swam today, too. I don't feel like swimming is the awesome workout that I have mentally made it out to be. Up until this point I have been working on my endurance.. I just want to be able to do the swimming leg of the race without a problem. I'm there, I can swim that distance without a problem, so I need to start incorporating different drills and sets to get the cardio that I need. NEED. I lack good cardio and have lacked it for the past... 12 days? It is KILLING ME. Give me a functional knee or give me death.
After bike training last Saturday, we had a fundraising clinic. I think no matter how one looks at it, fundraising is not an easy or fun thing. It is #2 on my list of stressors right now (only second to the licensing exam...). Please DONATE. It's not for me at all, it's solely for the pursuit of a cure for blood cancers. Leave behind your previous notions about fundraising and giving money away and all that jazz, and just take this one for what it is: the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society is enthusiastically and diligently pursuing a cure to blood cancers-- and they're making progress, too. They need support and this is your opportunity to support them. So donate. Please please donate. My goal is $2,000. We have a re-commitment date on June 17th where we need to have raised at least $500. Right now I have zero. THIS IS NOT FOR ME, FOLKS. THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO ARE BATTLING WITH BLOOD CANCERS. If you decline do donate, you're rejecting them, not me.