Choose Your Own Title

Several titles for this post come to mind...

"Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater"
"Winner!! ... PSYCH!"
"The First Female is Approaching Mile 1..."
"'We've been tracking her the whole race!' (but will wait until 9pm to tell her she's DQ'd)"
...etc.

So this race on Sunday. Lordy. My stomach is still knotted over it so bear with me.
The morning started in the middle of the night, awesome-- it's fine, I'm a morning person and like getting up early. I got going and arrived a little later than I wanted, but thanks to my uber cushy time cushion, I was totally fine.
From the very get go, the race announcer was shouting into the microphone how AWFUL the bike course was. Who hired this clown? I thought as I listened to his warnings: "This is the worst I've seen it, folks-- TAKE IT EASY-- it's not the place to win the race." HELLOOOOO the bike like is the longest part of the race-- you can't tell anyone to take it easy. Seriously, for the couple of hours before the race that's like all he would talk about. Even as we stood waist deep in the 58 degree water (thank the LORD for wetsuits..)waiting to start, the last thing he said before the start horn was 'Seriously, ladies, take it easy on that bike.' I scoffed to express my disbelief at this joker who wouldn't give it a rest. It couldn't be THAT bad if they made it part of the race course.
So we swam. Holy canoli-- 58 degrees is very cold. I usually hyperventilate at the beginning of the swim because of the chaos it entails with other thrashing bodies. However, I'm pretty sure I went into shock as I plunged into the arctic pit and started kicking and flapping my way through the masses. For the first hundred yards I couldn't put my face in the water and definitely was doing a glorified dog paddle. Fortunately I wasn't alone in my pathetic-ness. It seemed that everyone was taken aback at the frigid waters. Once the swim thinned out a little and I numbed up, I used the cold to my advantage to go faster to get the heck out of the water. I had a professor in college that was from the city where the race was (Waukegan), and she always was telling us about how the lake was toxic there for this reason and that. So that's all I could think about whilst in the water-- GET OUT OF HERE!

Out of the water on towards the bike. Once I got back to my spot in transition, there were three other girls parked right in front of my bike. I still couldn't breathe-- so huffing and puffing I decided to charade the fact they were in my way as I tried to wheeze out the message that I needed them to move. They were taking their sweet time-- they SAT DOWN, were changing their clothes, drying their feet... all perfectly reasonable things if you aren't IN A RACE. Honestly. They looked at me like I was on drugs and shuffled out of my way. Flustered, I donned my helmet and bike shoes and was off. I love my bike.

So the clown that was crying about the bike course-- he was right and I take back every negative vibe I sent him because his warnings were totally justified. It was the worst bike course of my entire life. (...which really doesn't say much because I'm not a big biker outside of commuting and the occasional 'training' ride that I do more out of obligation than anything since I bought the fancy bike...) But it was bad. Pot holes, poor paving, cracks, craters, danger danger danger. I saw SEVERAL people trying to fix their flat tires and was SO nervous that I'd get a flat! I'm honestly surprised that I escaped without one. The bike course consisted of a short distance 'out' then two laps on straight away (old highway or something??) then the short distance back to transition. I enjoy the bike because I can go fast and it isn't AS taxing as the run. Don't get me wrong, my quads are definitely burning during the bike and you can hear me breathing a mile away-- but for some reason it seems better. As I finished my second lap, the volunteers that were SHOUTING in megaphones really REALLY screwed me up. When you approach this point you can go two ways-- to the left if you've only done one lap (to start your second), or to the right to finish the bike leg (if you've done your two). I knew I'd done my two. As much as I love the bike, my legs were feeling it and I was ready to use some different muscles. One particular volunteer shouted into her megaphone "YOU MUST MAKE THIS TURN TWICE! THIS IS A TWOOOO LAP COURSE!" This was puzzling to me. You only had to make THAT turn once-- when you finished your first lap, you made the turn and did your second. If someone did that turn twice, they would have done three laps and that is a poor race strategy. I called out to the lady, "if I've already done this turn am I done?" And she pointed her megaphone at me (I was like 3 feet from her by now) and she said "YOU MUST MAKE THIS TURN TWICE! THIS IS A TWOOOO LAP COURSE!" IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE IN THE RACE THAT IS A PERSONAL PROBLEM!" Really? Who are these people? I swore at her under my breath and was frustrated. I didn't want to be a cheater, so I pulled over and asked a different volunteer just to make sure-- he said "YES, if you've made this turn once, you've done two laps, get back to transition!" In a very gung-ho-enthusiastic-go-get-em way. So I went and got 'em.

I got back to transition (barely-- seriously--fancy pants bike took a beating...) I got into my running shoes, drank some Gatorade (which I still refuse to drink WHILE biking due to extreme fear of crashing) and started running. My legs felt better this time than last. Woohoo. Sure they weren't powerhouses or engines... but they were like... limp noodles that have been left out for a long time so they're a little stiffer. ... hahaaha o man. Anyways, as I started the run, I noticed a woman on a bike in front of me. Oh man, she's confused. I didn't think too much of it though, I just needed to pound out these four miles and get some gatorade-- I was thirsty. As I ran I got closer to her and recognized her from Team in Training-- she was the 'main lady' who did all the communication and organizing. So I talked with her (more like wheezed at and sweated on) a little bit and she said "you're the first female on the course-- we'll be hanging out." Apparently she was a race official and her job was to lead the first female so they could 'track' her (me?). When she said I was first I replied with "no I'm not." How absurd. I am contently average. I am a participant not a winner. C'mon. Don't toy with me. I realized she was serious when I heard her say into a walkie talkie "the first female is approaching mile one." WTF. Craaaaazy. There were some seriously B-A looking females at this race.. no WAY was I first. I laughed it off thinking "they're making a big mistake" but just kept running. People that were cheering were like "THE FIRST GIRL!! WOOHOO!!!" It was crazy! I got to the halfway point and turned around (it was an out and back course). About seven minutes after turning around I saw another girl. I hadn't realized it but up until this point I was surrounded by men (FINALLY in life-- shoot!). Then I started to realize that I actually was the first girl on the course. I knew that my wave was the first female wave to go, so it was almost fathomable. Maybe there'd been a big bike crash and all the other women were unable to continue. At like mile 3.5, some lady who I'd passed earlier in the race (..at like a half mile) saw me round the corner and said "THERE'S OUR GIRL! SHE CAME!" For a second I was like "...mom?" Who says "our" girl if they're not your family? This woman, apparently. People treat you better when they think you're awesome, I suppose. Her remarks made me laugh out loud and helped carry me to the finish line. I WAS wheezing at this point-- very audibly and as people cheered when I went by they also furrowed their brows undoubtedly wondering "...is she going to make it?" I rounded the last corner and saw the finish line. "AND HERE SHE COMES, OUR FIRST FEMALE, WE'VE BEEN TRACKING HER THE WHOLE COURSE... KRISTIN OOOOOOURRRADAAAAA!!!" Holy shit! PINCH ME I AM SERIOUSLY DREAMING...and probably oversleeping and missing the race.. People were cheering SO LOUD-- like what you see on TV. For me. How could this be possible?? AVERAGE. Content with average. Working towards being consistently average as opposed to crippled. There was a big ribbon-- and they were holding it for me to run through. I might as well have fainted because the rest is quite a blur. I was so excited, and so confused. I really didn't believe it.

So as I walked down the finish chute, people were saying congratulations and good work and it was crazy. I was shocked.

I waited to watch my friend finish, then we went back to get our stuff from transition. I still didn't really believe it, but we went to the awards ceremony. Lo and behold, they called my name for the overall female winner. By one minute and a couple of seconds. Whaaaaat?! I got a sweet backpack (it's pink though... hmm), a hat, and a 1st place medal. I don't think I've ever gotten a first place medal. I did get a third place one for a soccer tournament in like... 4th grade, but ever since it's been a participation trophy or something lame. I was so stinkin' excited.

I called my parents, texted a lot of people and posted the news on facebook. I celebrated with a trip to Costco (I had a car afterall), and kicked my feet up for the afternoon, trying to wrap my head around it all...

Before I went to bed, I checked my email one last time, only to find terrible news there. Apparently, I had been disqualified therefore I was not a winner, in fact they think I'm a cheater and therefore a giant LOSER. Remember in the bike when I pulled over to make sure I wasn't being a cheater? When I pulled back on to the bike, I missed the timing mat that one needs to cross in order to indicate the second lap has been completed. So it looks to the officials that I only did one lap and that is severely frowned upon. What a buzz kill. I read that email and vomited.
Winning was such a high high and then reading that I got DQd was like an INSTANT launch to a low low. Honestly it's like a physiological response-- how disappointing. How embarrassing.

Honestly, I'm kind of annoyed. If they were 'tracking me the whole race' don't they know I did two laps? AND even if not crossing the mat is the unforgivable sin of triathlons, wouldn't they have figured that out BEFORE the awards ceremony that happened like a good hour and a half after I finished?? Seriously, all the hype and excitement was apparently undeserved and I'm embarrassed! Also-- I feel badly for whoever was 'rightfully' first place. I kinda stole her thunder and that was NEVER my intention. I think it's just more embarassing than anything. I'd rather trip and fall on every run I ever do in my life than have had this happen. Shoot.

Perhaps the most humbling part is when they said "please return the medal to this address at your earliest convenience." Ugh. Medals are medals and really mean jack, but for some reason that hurt.

Needless to say ever since Sunday night I have been less than a barrel of laughs. I have been quite the beyotch if we're going to be honest. I have avoided communication with most people at all costs and limited my activity to the gym and wallowing in self pity and distracting myself by watching old episodes of Felicity online. Talk about a low low! HA!

All of Monday I thought 'this is stupid, I don't want to do anymore triathlons.' I tasted what it was like to be good and I liked it. I didn't/don't really want to go back to being average. Tuesday I was apathetic about everything including my future pursuit of triathlons: 'I may do more, I may not. Don't know, don't care.' Today I found one that is happening on Sunday (the 26th) and want to do it just to get this disgusting taste out of my mouth regarding the sport.

Practically speaking, I know I'm not going to win a race again-- this shenanigan was pretty random and lucky while it lasted and it's insanely unfortunate that it ended the way it did. After every other triathlon I've done before this one (haha... both of them...), I've been consumed with a NEED to do another one as soon as possible. But after this Sunday, I seem to have lost some enthusiasm. I'm optimistic that it will return once I race again, but am discouraged regardless.

In good news, I got to keep the backpack and the hat. Haha, suckers.

Disgustingly long post-- but it needed to be done. My parents probably think I've flown off the deep end and become catatonic so if anything this will let them know that I'm alive and slowly coming back to life. They know how much of a sore loser I am.