Paranoid

Preface: I watch Law and Order (Criminal Intent and SVU) fairly regularly, and have even indulged in online-viewing marathons on occasion. This has led me to paranoia-- in almost every situation I can identify who will rape and/or murder me and why they won't be a prime suspect until 35-45 minutes into the episode that is my life.

When I moved in, there weren't screens on several of my windows. Since it was November and window opening wouldn't be an immediate need, I didn't do anything about it right away. As the weather has been getting warmer, I've wanted those screens more and more. One too many flies have welcomed themselves into my apartment through the gaping open window. So, I put in a maintenance request and within a week, I was woken from my daytime slumber by a handy man, here to install screens.
He was a fine upstanding citizen which made him all the more threatening in my mind. First thing I noticed was his thick accent, which he later would identify as Russian. He measured the windows that were screen-less then said "I will go to Home Depot to get supplies then come back to build the screens." Still half asleep, I nodded okay and shut the door behind him. Then my mind started going crazy. What if he goes to Home Depot to get rope, duct tape, and tarp? He's going to come back and murder me, wrap me up and dump me off. He had no motive, I have nothing of worth to steal in this place (sans my bike which he commented on as it is in one of the rooms w/o a screen), but I was convinced danger ensued. Naturally, I did nothing. I cleaned up a little actually, haha... When he came back I shrugged and let him in. As he built the screens in my living room I sat on the couch and pretended to watch Dr. Phil. It was a very tense silence. Then he started talking. He first asked how long I'd played soccer, motioning to a soccer ball that was on the floor. Oh geeze, he's trying to distract me. BE COOL. So we made small talk. I learned:
-He is from Russia and moved here in 1990. His mom made him move here, but he didn't want to. He went to a military school and liked it because he got along with the other boys there. His mom wanted him to be more social but he never really liked other people than his military school friends.
-He is a trained sharp shooter.
-He ha a license to carry a gun, but is applying for a license to carry a gun with a silencer. (I wanted to ask him why he needs a silencer but could imagine him replying with "So I can do this without anyone hearing" as he whips out his gun and shoots me).
-He played soccer (goalie) professionally in Russia and played some rec here but didn't like it. He wrestled professionally here and enjoyed that more because it was an individual sport. He didn't like losing because of his team, if he was going to succeed or fail he wanted it to be on his terms.
-He is currently looking for a career change into "protective services" which apparently means being a private investigator. According to him, fidelity checks are the most frequent job for PIs. He seemed to think it was silly for people to hire someone for such a reason stating "If you don't trust them, why are you with them?" Ironically, he later told me that he has a mistress even though he is engaged. I asked if his fiancee knew and he said yes, but that she was over it.
-He has two children (ages 5 and 10) that live with their mother (his ex wife) in Nevada.
-He's worked in protective services before and boasted of the power he potentially holds over people by checking their backgrounds and if they pay their taxes. He told me about his ex-wife's new boyfriend or husband and that he checked him out since new-guy has contact with his kids. He also threatened the new-guy with the information he found in case new-guy thought of hurting his kids.
-He told me he can pass a polygraph even if he's lying and that he's done it before.
-He knows how to tell if someone is lying by their body language and other clues he learned in his protective service days.
-Apparently the FBI wanted him to be a Russian translator but he declined because he didn't want to sit behind a desk. He told them he'd be an agent, but they didn't want him because he confessed to smoking pot once in his life.
-He asked where I was from and when I replied "Chicago" he told me he'd been there for 2 hours once. I assumed for a lay over, and he said "No... let's put it this way. I had to 'talk' to someone." He then told me he frequently had jobs where he'd go to a place and then he needed to leave very quickly to avoid aftermath. ?!?!?!?! Perhaps my paranoia is warranted.
-He told me that the Mob doesn't let kidnapping happen in Russia. It happened once where a kid was napped for ransom and the parents went to the Mob for help and the kid was returned to his parents alive, and they also received full garbage bags that had the kidnappers bodies diced into cubes.
-He rides motorcycles and never goes less than 115mph, even on the highways.
-He recommends laying flat on your back all alone in the middle of an open field for several hours to get a clear mind.
-He is a daredevil and at one time swam with sharks (apparently a non-Jaws kind) and put some shield on his arm then attached meat to it. That is his idea of fun.
-He rock climbs without ropes and once got stuck and had to call 911 from 500 feet up a rock face.

The whole time he was chatty chatty chatty. I will believe anything you tell me so long as it makes sense, so for a while I was totally on board with his stories, but the more he talked, the more I was like 'this guy is kinda off.' I started wishing I knew more about psychology so I could profile him and figure out if/how he was going to kill me in order to avoid it. A good two hours later, three screens were built and finally installed (btw not all the windows were the same size, but he assumed they were and just kind of 'made it work'-- dislike). He slowly cleaned up his mess. This is it, get ready to be attacked. He kept TALKING and said I should go sky diving or something to "live a little" (after talking about his risky lifestyle he was unimpressed when I had no stories offer). How clever, he wants me to live a little, but he's going to kill me! But, he didn't have a tarp. He didn't have a rope or any duct tape. He left pretty uneventfully. I'm perplexed... and still paranoid. He knows where I live. He knows I live along (me and my big mouth...). He is a repairman for the building so he's bound to be back. Needless to say I will continue to lock all four locks on my door. But I'm sure he'll find a way around them. He's probably reading this right now.

This is why I should watch less TV. My imagination goes amuck.