White Elephant-- I mean super fancy stuff.

Preface
The way the legend of the white elephant was explained to me went something like this: in some far away land, long long ago, a white elephant was a super rare animal that only the highest people of the highest class might ever dream of owning. It was a status symbol, and the best possible one to have. A white elephant also brought prosperity and good fortune, suggesting the owner was wise and just. Upon the rare occasion someone got a white elephant, they were initially thrilled. However they soon realized it wasn't as great as they'd imagined. Since this animal was so rare and so important, it required delicate and around the clock care and it was insanely high maintenance. They could not be sold, slaughtered, be put to work, or given away. Soon enough the white elephant became a horrible and costly burden, and the owner no longer wanted it. Nobody wanted it.

So with modern day white elephant gift exchanges, I was under the impression you're supposed to bring something that nobody really wants. Something random, funny, off kilter a little bit.

So my small group decided to do a white elephant gift exchange. I couldn't think of something good... I consulted with people, googled ideas, but ultimately resorted to stopping by the clearance rack at Safeway. I pondered going to Goodwill, but there isn't one super close by so, that ruled out that option. Safeway failed me, so minutes before it was time to go, I was scrounging around my apartment. I ultimately found a touch light (where you just push the light and it turns on-- I think it's kinda cool, I won't lie), some sterile gloves from my "Nurse Kit" I got in nursing school, alcohol swabs, a loofah and some other exfoliating glove. Random, but that's okay, right? It's a white elephant exchange! I found an empty box in the recycling-- Golden Graham Treats. I stuffed it full and wrapped it in record time.

Flash forward to the exchange. I was excited. I was hoping to get something relatively cool-- someone else's junk could be my treasure! There were 9 people present, I drew number 8. The first person opened a gift and it was fancy-- two big martini glasses with a pomegranate martini mix. Yowzer, someone missed the white elephant memo... The next gift someone opened was a gift box of different fancy teas. What?! Who are these people!?! The next thing was a brand new fancy pants Mr. Potato Head. Really?! People spent REAL money on this?!?! Next was an ice cream topping set complete with cute bowls and everything. Oh shit. Some poor soul who put some real $$$ into this is going to get my touch lamp, loofah and alcohol swabs. How embarrassing! I prayed that no one would choose my box and I could just choose it myself and save someone from getting cheated (and save myself from mortification). However, the second I said "amen," the next person grabbed my modestly wrapped box off the table. I have to leave. I have to get out of here. I cannot watch this happen. But I was paralyzed and unable to sprint to the door like I so badly wanted to. Mr. Wonderful sat next to me, gleefully chuckling at my horror. Box unwrapped, the recipient was like "Awesome! Golden Graham Treats!!" Phew! They didn't open the box! As the next person chose their gift, I subtly made my way over to the unfortunate soul that got my box. I explained its contents and to not worry, that I'd steal it from him so he could get something awesome. He erupted into fits of laughter, far better than the response I expected: getting kicked out of small group. My plan worked marvelously and the only person who didn't get something super fancy was me, which was well deserved as I was the only person who didn't drop an entire paycheck on this shenanigan.

I am pretty annoyed to tell the truth. Am I completely wrong about the white elephant gift exchange??? Who are these clowns... how did they not know that you're not supposed to get ridiculously awesome things?! At the end of it, everyone got a good laugh from my misunderstanding, but I still maintain that they're the ones who misunderstood.