"In order to save my life, they'd have to almost kill me."

As promised...

One of my Teammates in Training presented us with a Mission Moment before we embarked upon our mini-triathlon on Saturday. Joe is a young bloke, big cyclist. Upon seeing him initially, you wouldn't think he'd ever had cancer. However, he was diagnosed with Burkitt's-- aka non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Apparently it's super rare and after exhausting all other options, he was left only with an experimental treatment. Can you even start to imagine the emotional intensity of that situation?? Honestly, it blows my mind. Anyways, he decided to give the experimental treatment a shot. He said it was essentially taking the amount of chemo someone should receive over two months and administering it over two weeks. "In order to save my life, they'd have to almost kill me." The most remarkable part of it all? The experimental treatment worked. Joe is now participating in the Chicago Triathlon and has done many cycling events prior. The research that LLS is conducting to find these new treatments is hardly some clowns goofing off in a laboratory tinkering around with chemicals. And it also isn't an organization that gets nowhere in its research. The research that is being done is to actually find cures, and the things they find are working! How exciting is that? How can that not motivate you to support their pursuit of a cure? I am blue in the face from preaching about the quality and integrity of LLS, but there's just something about hearing it from someone who has experienced their success first hand that really drives it home.
Joe made another important point: it's because of organizations like Team in Training that a lot of the research LLS is able to conduct is possible. On Saturday we learned that the Chicago Team has raised over $100,000. That's phenomenal and I am so proud of all my donors who have contributed to that!

We are definitely in the home stretch of fundraising. The last leg is always the hardest. We are sitting strong at $1,455 (two checks are being processed, that is the discrepancy from the website). That leaves $545 to raise before the 4th. Let's push through and finish this strong. Let's enable LLS to continue their extensive research that will find more answers in the realm of blood cancers. DONATE today.

Below are some pictures of the mini-tri from Saturday. They're very telling.


This was our transition area. Note the grassy knoll-- not a beach. Whatever, I don't hold a grudge.

Getting ready... ...Panicking...

Herky-Jerky Hip Coach addresses the TEAM. Find my facial expression, it's worth it.

Headed down to the water... "Sometimes I wonder what the hell I got myself into..."

The 'stampede'.. haha

Humble Pie II: Open Water Swimming

This morning we had a mini-triathlon to get an idea of what race day will be like (minus the 7,000 other participants...). So, we all headed down to Ohio Street Beach to 'race.' We were told to get there by 7:15am, if not earlier, to set up our spot in the 'transition area.' I'd never been to this location, so I paranoid-ly left at 5:30am because I didn't want to be late. I got there painfully early at 6:08am. So I waited... by 6:55 no one else was there yet and I was getting nervous that I was waiting in the wrong spot. I finally spotted a fellow TNT-er and we stood for a few minutes before we saw a different guy that said 'our group is over there...' in a little grassy knoll off yonder. I take "Ohio Street Beach" to mean the actual beach.. but who am I? So I was kinda cranky that I didn't get the time I wanted to like mentally prepare as I set my stuff up-- I still had a few minutes but the location issue threw me off. So I set up my towel rather haphazardly. The whole idea is to set things in a super organized way that will enable you to dawn whatever equipment you need as quickly as possible when you are transitioning. I'd never transitioned before so I had no idea what order to put things in. I watched a seasoned triathlete and did a poor imitation of his towel. Then I went to retrieve my wetsuit. Oh, wetsuits. I wore one exactly four years ago and it was great. This one-- not so great. It's meant for racing, so obviously it's going to be tight. But I was not alone in my lack of attractive-ness... even the skinny mini's had backsides the size of Texas in those things. I worried that my continental backside would hurt someone!

OPEN WATER SWIMMING. Holy holy holy holy cow. We walked into about our knees, it wasn't too cold which I was happy 'about-- those wetsuits do a good job (at one point I was even like 'man, I'm too warm!'). Then one of the TNT coaches shouted "OKAY GO!" We were to swim seven and a half minutes out, and then come back for a 15 minute swim (very mini triathlon...). So even though we were in knee deep, people just like flopped on their bellies and started swimming... I chose to wade in to my waist as I didn't want to scoop the bottom of Lake Michigan with my stroke. Then I noticed I couldn't breathe. My wetsuit goes all the way up to my neck, past where my clavicles meet and it feels like it is pushing on my neck and choking me. I lifted my head up sputtering. I could get a breath in sort of, but when I put my face back in the water to breathe out through my nose, I couldn't! So when I would take my three strokes then turn to breathe again, I still had the air from the first time stuck in there. VERY DISTRESSING. I kicked and flapped... stood up a couple of times, coughed and coughed and coughed, and tried to keep going in a Dory-esque fashion ('Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....) 'I am going to be the one to drown. All these yahoos can swim in open water, but I am going to drown.' I pulled my my face up and coughed some more then looked to my left where another TNT-er was with her face out of the water, too. "I can't even breathe in here!!!" I shouted to her. I was so grateful when she replied "ME EITHER!!!" Somehow knowing that I wasn't alone in my respiratory distress was comforting. I decided I needed to get comfortable breathing while I was horizontal-- for some reason that was when everything went awry in the inspiration/expiration process. So I kicked on my side for a couple of seconds with my face out of the water so I could breathe freely. Once I realized that I could breathe while being horizontal, I tried swimming like a swimmer again. It took a couple minutes, but I got into somewhat of a rhythm. I could breathe at least; a step in the right direction. There were no major issues from there. I just felt like I wasn't going ANYWHERE. At one point I saw the bottom of the lake and I thought 'Victory, I'm done!' However as I looked up, I realized I was just at the retaining wall... still very far from the shore. Any technique I'd used in any pool, any sort of power I'd ever had in the water was absolutely gone. Between my FULL ARM wetsuit (that was a mistake!!!) and the wavy and murky water... I was hardly efficient and probably went like 400 yards in 15 minutes. It was a first, though... can only get better from there. We have another opportunity to practice this Wednesday at a group training, and hopefully I'll get out there a couple more times before race day.

So out of the water I had the joy of tearing off my wetsuit as I scurried to our transition area. Many non-TNT-ers looked as we all stampeded up the beach. I am so grateful for my teammates as misery does love company. I wiggled out of that wetsuit and threw on my TNT dri-fit shirt. I'd worn my 'triathlon shorts' and my swimming suit under my wetsuit so all I needed was a t-shirt. Once my shoes, socks, and helmet were on, I was off.

If you have ever been on the Lake Shore Trail, you know that Saturday mornings are CRAZY crowded. The coach had prepared us for this aspect, saying this training session was for the transitioning experience, not necessarily to go as fast as you can. (Psh). In that, he was essentially saying 'be safe on the trail, it's crowded.' And he was right. I was reminded of the Shamrock Shuffle, a 5k run in the city. It is SO crowded that instead of experiencing the euphoric endorphins brought with exercise, one (I) gets extremely angry because there are people in the way preventing optimal performance. That was seriously frustrating, but I really couldn't do anything about it, so I tried to use my irritation for something positive-- (what? I'm still not sure). We biked 15 minutes out, then came back for a 30 minute ride.

Once off the bike, I removed my helmet and strapped on my mock race number. They wanted us to feel exactly what we'd feel on race day in regards to equipment and what not, so they gave us our race belts and a mock number. The belt is an elastic band that clips together and you snap your number onto it. The last thing I need around my waist is an elastic band, my word! Whatever, I didn't win the spandex war, so I knew I probably wouldn't win this one, either. So I strapped it on and started running. Ten minutes out and ten minutes back for a total of 20 minutes. The run was fairly uneventful. I've noticed in the few times I've run right off the bike that my kneecaps go screwy. I have Patellar Femoral Tracking, so they essentially move around when they shouldn't. My right one has been giving me the most trouble which is surprising since I recently broke off part of my left knee. It does make me nervous as the race will be a significantly longer bike AND run... but we'll see. I'll pre-medicate with Advil and what not.

I finally finished. It was pretty warm and I was a lot more tired that I expected or wanted to be. During the run I remember thinking 'I don't know if I could run 6.2 miles right NOW much less if I'd just biked 25 and swam 1!' So I learned that even though I feel like I'm totally ready, there's still training to be done and it needs to be done OUTSIDE. The heat is such a big factor and when I workout in a wonderfully air conditioned gym, it's more comfortable, but I'm setting myself up for FAILURE. I also need to figure out how to eat on the bike and to stay hydrated. I don't have a water bottle cage on the Iron Horse, so I'll have to figure that out because I will need to be drinking during the bike in order to have any sort of fluid/electrolytes left for the run. I am a sweater.

As I downed Gatorade after the run two conversations stand out in my memory:
1) Random Man: "Did you see the lifeguards telling people to get out of the water? The E.Coli level is too high."
--EW! OMG THAT IS SO DISGUSTING. I was swimming in E.Coli laden waters and I want to shower myself in bleach. I definitely swallowed water in my near-drowning escapade. I feel so DIRTY! I showered IMMEDIATELY when I got home and scrubbed!!!

2) Herky-Jerky-Hip Coach: "...Did you have a rough night... you don't look so good. You look really tired..."
--- Sometimes there are just those people who always say the wrong thing. It is true though, I didn't look super hot. I decided to go without mascara for the first time since like 6th grade and my eyes were super blood shot and puffy from my goggles. Not a pretty sight, but also not what one wants to hear... ever.

I rode my bike back home and when I got home I had the worst stomach ache ever. I was super nauseous and belched a couple of times... I thought I was going to ralph. 'That E.Coli is fast acting...' I thought to myself... Then it grew to sharp abdominal pains as I panicked about the terrible timing as I don't have insurance yet and I didn't know if they'd let an E.Coli clad nurse work again-- ever. After I showered I went straight to my room and started typing this bad boy and have slowly started to feel better, but I don't know, something funky is going on in my abdomen.

All this before 10am! Crazy. Next week: open water swim (yucky!) on Wednesday, then the South Shore Triathlon on Saturday. Keep donating! When I feel better, I will write about the person who spoke before this morning's escapades, very very touching story about how he's been affected by blood cancer.

Humble Pie

Wednesday we had another track workout. The workout consisted of a ten minute warm up jog, 1x400--recovery lap
1x800--recovery lap
1x1200--recovery lap
1x1600--recovery lap
ten minute cool down.
The goal of this was to keep the same pace. So, the time you ran the first 400 should be the pace of each real lap thereafter... the 800 time should be double the 400 time, the 1200 triple, etc. I stupidly went out kinda fast on the first 400. I was 4 seconds off for the 800, which is almost 'okay', but the time gap of where I should have been between where I was grew with each set. It was frustrating, I won't lie. Something was weird, I was just NOT feelin' it that night. Honestly, I started the 1600 and for the first 200 meters all I could think was 'I do not want to do this anymore, I want to stop.' Two things prevented me from becoming a quitter: 1) My Teammates in Training-- there were a solid 30 other people there and I got dubbed as an 'athletic person' and I didn't want to quit in front of them, and 2)I kept thinking about people with blood cancers. I can't imagine how many times they 'do not want to do it anymore.' The consequences of their quitting are far greater, however, than looking foolish in a crowd. The fact of the matter is that they have no choice but to continue fighting. Certainly if they can continue to fight their blood cancer battles-- I can certainly finish this workout. So I finished. Not nearly as strong as I had in the past and not nearly as well as I'd hoped, but I didn't quit. It was very humbling though-- one man goes "geez, what happened to you??" Super humbling-- espeically since I was still on a 'first-place' cloud from previous group running adventures. Not only am I embarrassed at my poor performance, but also my attitude. As of late I have just been kinda apathetic towards training appropriately for the triathlon. So far I've been 'doing my own thing' and up to a point that was okay. But it's at the point where the workouts are legitimately challenging and I NEED to get on the program, but there is something lacking within me and I can't put my finger on it which makes it that much more frustrating. My one thought as to why this is all going down is that I started my job this week and it is just exhausting. I am in orientation, and this first week has been purely classroom stuff, but it is just insanely overwhelming and draining. I leave at 7 and get home around 5:30-6:00. The last thing I've wanted to do when I've gotten home is to workout, which is a complete 180 from who I am. I have even lost my appetite which is weirdER-- I'm a vacuum usually and now I'm just... meh. I'm hoping that a weekend off from work will snap me outta this funk, cause it's unacceptable!!

In better news-- a couple more donations have come in which is super encouraging. Another soccer teammate, and two native Salem-ers that I went to high school with all chipped in to help cure blood cancers. I am just so shocked that we've raised $1,405! I am so proud o everyone who has helped out in any way. August 4th is JUST around the corner-- nine days. If we can get $66 in donations per day, we'll meet the deadline. Keep spreading the word like the Plague and we'll be set. My dad continues to shout it from the rooftops; he sent out an email to everyone he works with telling them about this great opportunity to donate to LLS. My parents are pretty adamant about the fact that while they support me in the things I do, they (understandably) don't want to rope their friends into my fundraising efforts. So I am very grateful for the publicity my dad has created!!

Tomorrow morning our group training consists of a super-mini-triathlon. I think it will be like 30 minutes total. The goal is to just get a sense for what the transition will feel like and that sort of thing. A trial run, if you will. Also, I signed up for the South Shore Triathlon which will be next Saturday. It is a super-sprint. Despite my begging, no friends wanted to do it with me, so I'll be alone-- I'm really quite nervous. We'll see what happens.

Please donate!!

TWO WEEKS

Happy July 22nd. Glance over at your calendar and you will see that there are just two weeks left until August 4th. "So what?" You ask? August 4th is the deadline for fundraising! We sit strong at $1,310-- leaving $690 to go in just 14 days. This comes out to $50/day. WE CAN DO IT!
If you've put off donating to a more convenient time, your next paycheck, or for whatever reason, the time has come. Carpe diem and donate TODAY!

I'm off to run outside (I grounded myself from the treadmill...) before starting my career! First day of real work today-- yikes!

More to come regarding training later today!

I think this city is more humid than when I left it. However, I will contain my complaints in this regard as I knew I'd feel the watery-air more so after having been out of it for 9 glorious days.

I returned on Saturday afternoon after what seemed like eternal traveling... I woke up at 2:30am west coast time.. left by 3 to get to the airport shuttle by 3:15 which ended up being 3:30 as it was in a different location than we'd thought... to the airport by 5:00 for a 6:45 departure. Arrived 30 minutes early at noon to hop on the Orange line of the El, transferred to the brown line and get off at the Western stop and trekked the 0.6 miles to my front door at 2:00pm.

Despite extreme travel exhaustion (which is one of the things in life that irritates me most-- why does traveling make you so tired.. you are just SITTING there!), I was absolutely jubilant when I got home. I had a hefty mail pile which held not one, but TWO donations for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!! Woohoo! My aunt and a former On Goal coworker contributed to this insanely legit cause bringing our grand total up to $1,310!! That means just $690 to go before August 4th! I'm loving the consistent progress we're making, it keeps my hopes high both that we'll reach our $2,000 goal and that a cure to blood cancers will be found sooner than later!

After a long nap on Saturday afternoon, I ran to North Park to retrieve the bike my friend is lending me for the triathlon. Unfortunately when I got there the tires were deflated, so I walked it back to my apartment where I had a tire pump. Yesterday I took it out for a spin on a GLORIOUS bike path that I had no idea existed. It's a solid 6 miles away, but once I get there it is actually NATURE. It even smelled like nature which is just astonishing in this city. I rode seven miles out and seven back, then the 6 miles home, for a total 26 miles. Just over the 24.8 that I'll do for the triathlon. I'm still getting used to the bike. It is so lightweight and has super skinny tires, and the seat height can even be adjusted-- what a treat! The gears are kind of funny, though and they don't go very high which creates extreme inefficiency in pedaling-- I'll be pedaling crazy fast but getting essentially nowhere. So we'll see about that. I absolutely love that trail, though, and plan to return for the rest of bike training (minus spinning class). It is great because it's not nearly as crowded as the lakefront, and it's through forest preserve (meaning it's super shady!)

Another new thing I embraced on my bike ride yesterday (new route, new bike, new...) spandex. Aye carumba. Positives: not uncomfortable when riding, the maxi-pad-esque padding in the crotch was actually quite effective for its cushioning qualities, no one fell over in hysterical fits of laughter as I rode by. The world of Spandex is completely foreign to me. My shorts are longer so they end just above my knees. At the end of them, there is a rubbery elastic ring right at the bottom, probably to prevent them from creeping up. However, this aspect is very unflattering, as well, my thighs are a little softer there, so it is just super unattractive! And humbling. When I got off the bike back at my house and was walking it to the basement, that cushioning was super uncomfortable! What an awkward place for stitching. I'm nervous to run in those after the bike... we'll see I guess! All part of the adjusting process, right?

I am hoping to get in the lake this week. My TNT mentor offered to go with me so I don't drown like a fool my first time out. I also hope to get my wetsuit from the office before... no one likes to be hypothermic.

I'm still nervous about running. I really need to pull myself off the treadmill and get outside. It's SO HOT, though! I have a hard time motivating myself to get to the gym, much less outside in 90 degree weather with 100% humidity! I really need to do it though or else I'm going to have a super rude awakening come race day. Running shoes have topped my Triathlon List in priority, though. My current ones have holes that grow with each step:

Unfortunate, really... I get attached to my running shoes. These carried me through the half marathon and my best time ever at the Shamrock Shuffle. Can't forget their showing at the Wacky 5k.. that was ..wacky. Ah nostalgia. Hopefully though, new shoes will remedy a new pain that popped up in my bum knee while at home. It hurts mostly on the bike, but new shoes never hurt anything but a wallet. These are the shoes I will be getting. In a different color, of course.

Okay, the rain has finally let up and I've procrastinated far too long. Donate donate donate! $690 is small compared to $2,000, but it's no small task!

Hallelujah!

So many exciting things have happened over the past week-- I don't know where to start!!

*FUNDRAISING: Holy toledo-- we have made leaps and bounds! We've received some hefty donations and are now sitting at $1,235!!! That's over half way! I am absolutely thrilled with this progress and grateful beyond belief. It's crazy how many people have been affected by blood cancers in one way or another, and absolutely admirable that they turn that around and donate to LLS. It blows my mind how significantly people have been affected, and until their donation, I had no idea. My grandma, a teammate's family, and a roommate's sister are among the latest to contribute. Everyone who has donated or muttered a prayer for LLS is SO appreciated by not only me, but also everyone who is participating in the fight against blood cancers. WELL DONE!

*BIKE WOES: Great news! A friend of mine who competed in the Chicago Triathlon with Team in Training a couple years ago has offered to let me use her bike! (Cue the clouds opening and the heavenly choirs bellowing praises). Since I've been at home, I haven't been able to check it out yet, but I have no doubt that it will be exponentially better than the Iron Horse (...sorry, girl.) I can't even tell you how exciting this is, and I can't wait to start training on it! I am confident that the Iron Horse would have broken down before or during the race. She probably would have wheeled up to the transition area that morning and then keeled over in a "Hell, no!" fashion. This fine friend of mine also offered her helmet, bike pouch, and sunglasses!! My triathlon list is DWINDLING! I am so excited to get my hands on this equipment as it will help me to feel more prepared for race day. Mentally feeling prepared is half the battle after all.

*RUNNING: I dropped 27 bones to get a temporary membership to my home gym while I've been home. VERY WORTH IT. I love that place. The treadmills, however, perplex me. I am convinced that they are positioned so that the runner is going at a slight downhill. I say this because I noticed too rapid improvement this winter break while training for a half marathon, and I noticed it again when I went to run shortly after arriving home. Please remember that I was struggling to hit 5 miles consistently in Chicago. On my first running attempt here, I went 0.2mph faster and went 8 miles with no problem. The only thing that stopped me is that my legs weren't used to going that long without a stretch or anything and my quads started cramping crazy bad. Otherwise, I felt wonderful. While I know I've been working hard at training and everything, I don't think that a legitimate improvement like that one is possible. So, I have started putting it at a 1-1.5% incline and that is bringing back some of the challenge. I still go 0.2mph faster, though-- I don't want to give that up! =) It's been interesting, and it does feel good to be able to run farther and faster. It is unfortunately tainted by my suspicious-ness towards the treadmills though. I guess one may suggest that I just run outside which is what I need to be doing anyways... but I'm being a child and doing what I want.

*RANDOM: My family got a new dog while I've been home. He's a black lab and very cute. I like him and kinda wish I could take him back with me. But I doubt he'd appreciate being bound up in my apartment all day, and I doubt my roommates would be as in love with him as I am. It'll be fun to come home to him when/if I get to visit home again!! Also while I've been home I got to meet a friend of my mom's who is training for the Ironman-- the crazy crazy long triathlon-- 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and 26.2 mile run! That's a full marathon after two crazy hard races!! It was neat to hear about her training and preparation. Very humbling too! I asked what distance she was at in training for the running leg and she said 17 miles! That's daunting. Makes my 5 mile victory a little less triumphant. But I know it's apples to oranges.

I return to Chicago on Saturday. It's definitely bittersweet. I'm excited to continue training and eager to get to that bike, but home is home-- "the land of plenty" as my roommate appropriately put it. It's been exactly the 'vacation' I needed to rejuvenate and get the energy back I'll need to not only do this triathlon, but also to start my first real job!

In the meantime, keep telling everyone you know about this blog. I am so encouraged by our fundraising progress-- we have just $765 left to go before August 4th. I am confident that we can do it together! Donate today!

My Hips Don't Lie

(Sidenote: I am writing this as I wait for my flight home (!!!), and some guy sitting next to me goes 'are you writing a book over there???' I think that's the universe's way of telling me I get too wordy...)

What better airport activity than blog updating?

Yesterday was an absolutely crazy day! It started off with “Hard Core Abs with Benny," then I went straight to spinning where I skipped the cool down in order to be on time for babysitting. The kids I hang out with are really good—but really active! I get pooped… I swear I feel like such an old woman whenever I am done babysitting any kid—no matter how good they are! It’s always fun, though. From babysitting, I boarded IH again to go lift. Ever since I upped my weight on the bench press I have been extra enthusiastic about lifting! It’s always something that I’ve advocated (ever since I learned that the more lean muscle you have, the faster your metabolism!! .. yes please!) I finished at 6:07pm which was perfect: it left just enough time to eat my pre-packed dinner before the group track workout at 7:00. I was very pleased with how everything worked out time-wise.

The track workout…It was at a very convenient location, just a hop, skip, and a jump from the gym I lifted at. It’s actually where we practiced soccer at North Park! So I moseyed on over and dined with nostalgia as I watched a recreational soccer league compete. I was definitely the first person from TNT there, and a coach came soon after (‘herky-jerky-hip’-coach). I asked him what the workout was, and was familiarly disappointed at the lack of distance. We were going to do a ten minute warm up jog, 5x400meters, and a ten minute cool down. 400 meters is one lap. So my thought: ‘five laps around the track is a workout now?’ tainted my attitude for a couple minutes. My Teammates in Training started to come slowly and we eventually got started. I always get so nervous before any workout—especially if there are other people around. Even if I know that I can do the workout, I know that everything will be absolutely fine, I get crazy butterflies! I decided that if it wasn’t going to be an obviously challenging workout, then I would have to get creative to make it challenging. I then remembered that these aren’t meant to be a crazy long distance, but it’s more an exercise of going fast and then recovering, going fast, recovering, over and over. “It’s an exercise to learn how to pace yourself,” as my coach explained when I wrinkled my nose after he told me the workout. And honestly, it was challenging! Speed has NEVER been my forte in anything (I take it back—in like first grade I got to be on the co-ed relay team for the Jaycee Relays… it was a big deal). But something happened in second grade and any ounce of quickness I once had vanished without a trace. Despite trying every plyometric, strengthening exercise, old wives tale, and tricks in every ‘How to Run Fast’ book, I have remained slow. I justify my slowness with the fact that I can be slow for a while—hence my affinity for endurance activities. So we did the ten minute warm-up lap. Thrilling. Then one guy (who I think is a coach for the ‘Steelhead’ Team’… Steelhead is a half-ironman tri, and that group often trains at the same time as the ‘Chicago Team’ making me feel super cool doing our pansy Olympic-distance workouts…) led us in some typical track drills. Track drills looks goofy even if the most seasoned track athlete is doing them. Getting a bunch of clowns together who have not done these drills in a long time (if ever) and throw them on a track and saying ‘go’ makes said drills even more comical and humbling. Grateful that the drills were over, we started the main set. Here’s what really BOGGLES MY MIND to no end—at all these running things, I wind up leading. I have never ever ever been the leading runner… in anything. I worked my way from being dead last (every track meet my sophomore year of HS—last place, thank you very much) in middle school and early high school, to being comfortably average. In most areas of life I despise the ‘river of mediocrity’ and do everything in my power to avoid it. However, coming from the ‘pits of failure,’ the mediocre river was a big accomplishment. Coming to these TNT trainings and leading the runs is just puzzling. I can almost fathom it for the long distance runs, like the 60 minute run at the lake a few weeks ago. But in the speed runs?! Something is very wrong in the universe. That is what I kept thinking during the five laps—‘Something is seriously wrong if I am in the lead.’ It was a harder workout than I anticipated, and am embarrassed at my snobby attitude of ‘Five laps is a workout now?’ We did a fast lap followed by a recovery lap, then waited for everyone to finish before we could start the next lap. I was under the impression that we would just start our next fast lap once we finished our recovery, but I was mistaken. After all, this is Team in Training… so we waited for our teammates. That was honestly a little frustrating, but I have definitely been bringing up the rear before so I didn’t dare put out bad vibes towards the end of the pack. This did allow me plenty of recovery time, though, which consequently allowed me to really push hard and go fast(er) on the fast lap than if I started immediately upon finishing the recovery lap. By lap five, I was definitely feeling it. My quads and hamstrings especially were fatigued! I purposely did not do leg lifting earlier in an attempt to preserve strength… so much for that.

After the last speed lap, the herky-jerky-hip-coach said to me “Kristin, you need to focus on pushing your hips forward. Your top is leaning too far forward and then your arms start to get a little crazy.” What is it with this man and my hips?! I’m half-kidding... I appreciate the feedback, as again, I have never been in an environment that I’ve been coached in running (minus that dreadful year of high school track which there wasn’t coaching at all aside from the psychological relief warranted by my awesome last-place tradition… literally every race, folks). When he told me to figure out my hips I chuckled. I think he was confused—my last reaction to his hip-coaching was a clenched jaw and death stare… this time I just started laughing at him. Oh to be a wishy-washy female. On the cool down jog I tried to get my hips forward but it was not good. I felt like I was leaning backwards while trying to run forwards. I don’t know, I guess it’s good feedback to keep in mind, but for now I won’t be spending hours on end at the track trying to get my hopeless hips in line.

At the end of the day, I felt good about challenging myself and taking what had potential to be a lighter workout and doing what I could to boost its intensity. I guess the same goes with every workout, though. It’s really up to me how hard it will be and if it’s lack-luster, there’s probably something I could have done to prevent that. Afterwards I climbed on the Iron Horse for the final time that day and returned home thirteen hours after leaving it to start packing!! Because that’s right, I’m going home and I could not be more elated. Wait-- yes I could be— donations elate me more than anything at this point! We’ve climbed up to $795! Another former soccer teammate has stepped up! I have been really impressed with my peers. Students, after all, have a fairly legit claim of being absolutely broke therefore unable to donate. But a handful of my college compadres have been more supportive than I ever expected. So, we now have $1,205 left to go before August 4th! Victory is coming, my friends, one donation at a time. If you have not yet had an opportunity, please go to my fundraising site to make your donation today! Your donation is solely for the purpose of fueling the fight LLS is in against blood cancers and their search for a cure. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again—look at their website! It’s fascinating, especially the research sections. Very worth your while.

Who sets off fireworks at 2pm, anyways?

Holy cow, July 8th?! My goodness time is flying.

Training is coming along. There has been a break from group training due to the thunder and lightening at the open water swim and the holiday weekend. I am excited for tomorrow, as it is a track workout instead of swimming. =) I’m not exactly sure of what it will consist of, but I’m sure it will be fun. Who doesn’t like to run?!

On the 4th I ran outside because any gym I could track down was closed due to the holiday. I never did understand that—people need to be fit on holidays, too! Regardless, I guess it was a good push to get me off the treadmill and onto the terrain I will be actually racing on. When considering my route I thought it’d be the perfect day to run on the lake front trail, as everyone would be at their celebratory barbecues leaving the beach front empty and peaceful. Sometimes I’m incredibly embarrassed at my own idiocy. The barbecues are AT the lakefront. It was the farthest thing from empty and peaceful EVER. Despite the 2:00pm hour, fireworks were going off left and right, polluting the air with green smoke the whole time. It was nuts-o! With every step and labored breath I couldn’t help but think ‘this is what you get for being so dense!’ I guess I’ve never been big on the tradition of a 4th of July bbq at the beach… I had NO idea! Despite the unexpected festivities, I got in a semi-decent run and ended up going six and a half miles. Thanks to www.mapmyrun.com I can map out my run and see the exact mileage—what a helpful training tool! (They also have www.mapmyride.com for biking!). Given, my pace was not my treadmill pace, but it was faster than my last outdoor running adventure and longer than my treadmill runs, so I will be content with that.

Fundraising is holding steady at $755. I am hoping that something.. big will happen. My dad is absolutely awesome and is enthusiastically pursuing his company’s matching donation program (or something like it). Even though he is all the way in Oregon, a person from the Oregon/SW chapter of LLS is looking into making a presentation at the company’s annual meeting! I have been so encouraged to see this slowly unfold, and I am crossing my fingers that it all goes well and that in the end LLS will benefit from a donation! My dad deserves even more props because his efforts at spreading the word do not stop with his company! He also is sending out emails telling people about this great opportunity to donate to LLS, referring them to this blog! This is an excellent and FREE way to help support LLS!!! Let us all learn from his example! =)

I’m so grateful for all the donations that have been made already, and for the beyond encouraging emails and messages I have received regarding this endeavor. Support of any kind is invaluable to me and keeps me going when I get discouraged or wonder what the heck I’m trying to pull. While I know I have been focused primarily on financial support of this endeavor, the bottom line is that support is support and I am grateful for all the prayers, good vibes, and well wishes I have received in addition to monetary support. They’re absolutely wonderful!

In other news, I think I get to go home on Thursday! That will be so so so wonderful as I am more homesick than I have ever been (I’m still confused as to why… you would think that after four years of living far away, I’d be over it..) I think that since I don’t really know the next time I will be able to go home after I start working for real as a nurse (July 22nd!!!), I am a little panicked. But thanks to some extreme generosity and buddy passes, I think it’ll workout to head home for a short bit before the 22nd. I am so lucky. I’m excited to train in Oregon! Finally-- long stretches of road without stoplights every twelve feet or crazy people flinging doors open in front of me! Also no humidity!! Woohoo… although that will be an indulgent treat that will probably be harmful in the long run, as during the triathlon (at the end of August) humidity will be at an all time high. Hmm.. well, a risk I am willing to take. So hopefully, next time I write it will be from the west (best) coast. =)

Donate, friends. It’s such a worthy organization.

GOOD THINGS.

This has nothing to do with the triathlon, but I want to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS:
I passed my boards! What a feat-- I can finally breathe (and pleasure read!) for the first time in four years.

Perhaps in a fit of gleeful insanity, I decided to take care of some of the items on my 'triathlon board.' I ordered triathlon shorts, body glide (anti-chafing stick...painfully necessary), and elastic shoelaces. I'm having some second thoughts about getting the shorts online... but there is no way I would convince myself to go to a store to try them on with a sales person breathing down my neck-- I shudder at the thought.

To top off the exciting news-- I hit 5 miles yesterday! Almost right after I wrote that it was my goal, too! (Maybe Oprah is on to something...) I got a job at my school's gym and am ELATED as it means that I can continue to use the absolutely wonderful facility through the summer. Honestly I am very excited. So yesterday after I lifted in the divine weight room (I also upped my weight on bench press! woohoo!) I hopped on the treadmill and said 'here goes..' My legs felt different than they have in the past weeks. They felt... normal! I don't want to jinx it or anything, but they felt like they did way before getting doored, when I was running much farther distances than I am doing now. That was exciting.

The only thing that could make this day better is receiving some donations! We're sitting strong at $755. That means $1,245 to go before August 4th! I trust that we can do it!!!!

=) It's a good day. Hopefully this feeling will last. Haha-- probably will until those spandex shorts show up. yikes.

An Answer to Prayer? I think so.

I just want to share with you part of an email sent out by Debbie, who is the Campaign Manager for the Chicago Triathlon with Team in Training:

"The top fundraiser for the Team In Training Accenture Chicago Triathlon team (must raise over $10,000) will receive a Schwinn carbon-fiber “Peloton” road bike!!"

!!! You've seen my whining about how much a road bike would change my life! While finding a cure to blood cancers should be the best motivator in the world, it's amazing what a promise of a new bike can do! What do you think, friends? Want to help me be the top fundraiser for TNT for the Chicago Tri??? =)

Death Wish to the Iron Horse? Whoopsie.

Please forgive my absence over the past couple of days. One insanely important exam has been taking over my life.

To catch up on the triathlon front:

*Saturday bike training: a fiasco in getting there due to a punctuality-challenged driver and rickety bike rack, but we got there. Albeit 30 minutes late, but we got there. That's the joy about biking, I suppose... it's an individual sport and doesn't rely on the presence of others. So we got there late, started late, and ended late. We did a 90 minute ride. That was exciting. I can't articulate how much I wish I could get my hands on a road bike! I can keep up with the less experienced road bikers on my mountain bike. It makes me wonder what I could do with a road bike! I am grateful for the Iron Horse, though. She's a faithful machine that's powered through much adversity. Confession: I may have wished death upon IH. On our way to the forest preserve for the training session, my bike was the last on to a bike rack that was meant to hold lightweight road bikes. The Iron Horse is the farthest thing from a lightweight road bike possible. So for the hour drive it took to get there, my eyes were glued to the rear window, watching as the bikes on the rack bounced with every pebble we ran over. When we hit a typical Chicago-pot hole, my heart palpitated. We even went over a railroad at one point. I think I blacked out. I reached my target heart rate before we even arrived to the training site-- it was ridiculous. At one point I thought 'If my bike falls off... maybe I could justify buying a new one...' So for a couple of seconds I hoped it would fall. Then I realized that I can justify buying a new one even if it didn't fall-- I legitimately need a new bike. My issues with not obtaining one are solely due to the fact that they are crazy expensive. So I mentally apologized to the ol' girl and willed her to hang on until we arrived. By the grace of God alone we made it to the forest preserve with all bikes intact. How it happened? Divine intervention. The ride was good and I felt good about it. Afterwards I wanted to see what my legs felt like, so I ran to the end of the parking lot and back (maybe 100 yards??? ish ish ish). HOLY COW. I have heard people talk about how awful my legs will feel when I start running off the bike. I didn't expect them to be SO right! That's going to be interesting. I want to start doing some brick workouts early so I can be completely ready for that aspect. It blew my mind away. It was like my quads and calves were cinder blocks and my knees were (painful) jello trying to connect the two. Out of control! I'm excited for that challenge.
*Today was supposed to be our first open water swim, but it just got cancelled due to severe thunderstorm warnings. Psh. I guess I wasn't as disappointed as I thought I'd be... it's been a long day! I took my boards today and am kinda drained. I don't know that swimming in a large body of water would have been my safest decision... especially if it is thundering/lightening. I was quite content with the advice my mom and grandma gave: "stay close to the attractive male lifeguards and you'll be fine." I like the way they think (for once).
*As far as running goes, I've hit a wall at 4 miles. I want to get back to where I was (alternating 8 miles and 5 miles each day), and I want to get back there NOW! I am so bad at slowly building back up-- mostly due to my attitude. I guess that is one thing I have control over, though, so I should get it together. My goal this week, though, is to break through to five. =) I know I can do five, but I want to do it at a fast pace. I think I can run lolly-gag speed for a while, but at a legit pace I am good for 30 minutes. That's too short. It feels good to work hard, but is frustrating to know that a couple of months ago the workout that just killed me was my workout for an easy day. ...What can ya do-- just gotta work with what you've got.

So that's that. I have decided to make a list of things I NEED for the triathlon. I watched Oprah the other day (I've been studying really hard... promise) and they were talking about 'vision boards' (in a typical oprah fashion). On a vision board you put things which you want to achieve or obtain in your life. Perhaps if I make a 'triathlon board' I will get the stuff I need before race day. Worth a shot! So far my list includes:
*Triathlon Shorts
*Sunglasses
*Water bottle cage
*Pedal clips
*Running shoes (mine have holes... Susie will be upset.)
*A bike (can't hurt!)
*"Slicks"
*Elastic Shoe Laces
*A legal helmet (I think mine being ancient makes it illegal. ...seriously.)
*A small 'case' to put on my bike to hold a spare tube (not that I'll know how to use it if I
need it...), etc.


I'm hoping I don't need anymore than that. I guess there is one thing....

DONATIONS! Woohoo, we've come so far and I'm so honored and grateful for everyone's support. My dad has been inquiring with his company to see if this will qualify for their "Matching Donation" program (which I think it actually doesn't... but what a GREAT thought!). There might be another option though, which would be so exciting! Perhaps you have a similar program or some more great ideas about expanding the donation network. Thanks a million times over to all who have donated-- you're the heroes behind all this and I'm speechless at your generosity!
We've got a little ways more to go before August 4th, so don't stop spreading the word like wildfire. Lets cure blood cancers, my friends! We CAN do it one donation at a time!

"How's training going?"

Today is June 27th. In just over one month, by AUGUST 4th, there needs to be $2,000 in the account I've set up through Team in Training. That $2,000 will go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to propel their pursuit of a cure to blood cancers. I can't articulate the incredible legit-ness of LLS, as they are an organization that not only fulfills its mission, but does so with a grace and integrity that is all too rare. If you have ventured to my fundraising page, you will recognize the thermometer to the left. This represents where we are at in fundraising. There is significant progress from zero, but it is very apparent that we have a ways to go. What a wonderful opportunity you have to.. bring the heat, if you will. =) Please donate to this BEYOND WORTHY cause. Your donation is not for me at all-- it goes directly to LLS!


Many people in my day to day life know that I am training for the Triathlon. I am so grateful for everybody's support! I've been amazed and incredibly encouraged by the confidence that people have in me to do well, and to meet the $2,000 fundraising goal. Times like now, with a serious fundraising dry-spell, are when I rely on that support most. People frequently ask "How is training going?" How fortunate am I to have so many people interested and curious about my training? It's really great, and I'm very appreciative. I often don't know how to respond. Training for this race has been a lot different than what I imagined it would be. As I think about it, I guess I didn't have a clear expectation of what it'd look like, but it's all just not what I vaguely expected. I honestly don't feel like I'm doing a whole lot that is different from when I worked out without triathlon aspirations. Except for riding my bike more... it all looks very much the same. So when people ask how training is, I think I'm kind of like "same old same old... nothing really exciting." Sure I get to swim with people once a week, and there's a group bike or run once a week, too, but the intensity of those sessions is nothing to boast about. I think that I somehow have the mentality that people expect my training to be hugely intense and have some astronomical aspect to it... I probably assume that's their expectation because it is my deep down expectation. So when I report "oh, we swam 2000 yards at training..." that's lack-luster and disappointing; I don't feel good about reporting it. Don't get me wrong-- keep asking! The constant flow of verbal support is so awesome and appreciated. I guess this could just be a small disclaimer to my reply of shrugging shoulders and "pretty good." Please know that I am enjoying this process and am getting more and more excited for the big day. I am sincere when I say, however, that my primary motivation is now to raise the money for LLS. That is what I am here for and while I didn't have that at the front of my mind when I signed up, it has now taken the pilot's seat and is completely steering this journey. I am grateful for your support in my training, and I am especially grateful for your support in the fundraising as it is the fuel behind the fire. Donate today-- don't put it off until tomorrow or your next paycheck. People are dying from blood cancers TODAY. Research can be done TODAY. But it can only be done with your support.

The rest of this post is actually a section of a previous post from June 7th: "00:01:24." Many of you are newer to this blog and may not have read earlier posts. This section is incredibly pertinent to those of us who aren't swimming in cash and have no intention to just give away the little that we do have:

"It boggles my mind how attached we are to money. I am completely at fault, too, (I'm known as 'frugal to a fault') so I am learning a huge and humbling lesson here-- gotta love those. It is so easy to receive these fundraising letters from people going on mission trips, or raising money for their sports team, or for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and to have an instinctive "I'm broke, no way can I donate." But isn't it interesting how after we throw away that letter or delete that email, we pick up in our habits of paying $5 for our morning coffee, spending an ungodly amount to go see a movie at the theatre, buying an extra treat or two at the store, splurge on that super cute shirt-- even though you have three of the exact same one... this one is your color. I think it's easy to see the "Will you please consider donating to this cause?" and to feel like one contribution won't make any difference at all, when that is completely false-- one contribution makes all the difference. If you received my letter and think your pocketbook can't possible stretch to cover this cause with everything else it is already covering, would you at least take a look at what you are 'donating' to? Would you be willing to give up your morning Starbucks for a week (even a day), and send that money to benefit LLS? Would you possibly rent a movie to watch with your friends/family tonight and donate the difference in what you'll spend? No doubt-- money doesn't grow on trees. But I think if we are a little more creative and conscious of the way we spend what we do obtain, we will find that we are more able to support WORTHY causes such as LLS. I committed to raise $2,000, and by golly I'm going to raise it. But by no means can I do it by myself. Trust me, if I could I would (I've always hated group projects and stuff like that, I'd rather do it all myself). I am not asking you for $2,000, that'd be ridiculous. I am asking you to show your support for LLS through a donation of whatever size is appropriate for you. 'Appropriate' is a door that swings both ways."

That being said... donate, friends.

Tarzan Doesn't Do Flip-turns

I don't know about you, but I have been frequenting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's website. I recently ventured into the information they post regarding their research and was amazed! I tend to get long winded on this thing and all of the information I learned at the site, I am afraid I would bog down the entire Internet between the actual info and all my thoughts and reactions to it. I just get so excited to learn that they are not settling for the current treatments that are available to people diagnosed with cancer. While these treatments are exponentially better than nothing at all, the fact of the matter is that they are not a cure and that remission is a very frequent occurrence (there's a cool thing about why remission happens... stem cells and stuff...). So LLS is working so hard at taking the next step forward form the current treatments and that is finding a cure. YOU have the opportunity to help support them in this pursuit. LLS heavily relies upon donations in order to continue to research and stay hot on the trail of a cure to blood cancers. Opportunity is knocking at your door right now. You can donate to the LLS via my fundraising webpage. By participating in the 2008 Accenture Triathlon with Team in Training have committed to raising $2,000 for LLS by August 4th. So far, we have $680 and I am so excited about the strong start. However, a race is not complete until one crosses the finish line. If in the triathlon I climb out of the lake after a stellar swim leg and then lolly-gag through the bike and run, I'd consider it an unsuccessful race-- I'd get 'swept' where they come through and say you have to stop because you're going too slow. The same thing can be said for Fundraising. We are about 30% there-- so let's feel good about the first leg, and execute the next with a new level of enthusiasm.


Last night was a "Mandatory Swim." They require people to attend certain training sessions throughout the summer to make sure that everyone is on the right track, so come race-day no one will flop too horribly.
Instead of our normal drills that we do at the beginning, we learned two new ones: "Tarzan" and "Spot the Buoy." These drills address the fact that the lake is not a pool with flags and a black line on the bottom to help the swimmer know where he or she is in the water. I was very excited for these drills as the open-water aspect of the swim leg is a large contributor to my anxiety. "Tarzan" essentially is swimming with your head out of the water. Awkward? Yes. Uncomfortable? Yes. Efficient? Hardly. Helpful? Probably. So there I go, swimming like a barbarian and I finally made it to the other end of the pool. This is the point where I usually do a flip-turn as it is a more efficient way of turning than grabbing the wall and shifting all around. However, amidst the "Tarzan" fun, I apparently misjudged how close to the wall I actually was. As I flipped, my heels slammed onto the pool deck instead of into the water. Man ALIVE that is the most jarring feeling! I have done this before in a less dramatic fashion. When I did it yesterday, I acquired bruises of course. With any bruise there's always a picture:

Left:

Right:




I think I am destined to be cripple. That has been the excitement of the past twelve hours. In the long run, it's no big deal. I'm just walking around on my tip toes today and hoping tomorrow will be better. What is wrong with me?! I am so klutzy! Given-- getting doored was NOT my fault... this whole Tarzan Shenanigan though... I've gotta claim that one.

Biking this Saturday. =) Say a prayer for the Iron Horse.

Surprise!

I thought that our group training on Saturday was going to be a bike along the lakefront. However, once I arrived, I realized that it was a run along the lakefront. I froze once I put two and two together... I had barely just run for thirty minutes, and we were scheduled for a 60 minute jaunt! I have always been painfully annoyed at the 'injured person' at practice... no matter how legit their ailment is, their pansy presence is obnoxious. So, I refused to be that person... I went on the run. Here's the funny thing: I was leading the 'pack.' We went out to the Lakeshore trail and started just slowly moving as a giant blob. I knew that I had to just run at a pace I knew I could sustain for an hour because with my knee, I had to focus on dealing with whatever excitement that would bring up as opposed to pushing myself to be faster. So, my easy easy soccer-warmup-lap-pace ended up being faster than everyone else. That threw me off. There were some tough looking chicas and chicos out there... So on the way out I ran by myself not knowing how close anyone was behind me-- I really didn't care, I just didn't want my knee to kill me. I kept going, and before I knew it 30 minutes had gone by. I pulled over to stretch my quads (running outside is SO different than on a treadmill.. my quads get way tighter way faster) and within a minute, a couple of guys from the TNT group went by and I said "are you turning around?" and they said "just a couple more minutes..." so I decided to follow them. I had come to like my spot at the front... =) So we went a little farther then turned around. I don't like running with people. It is mostly because I mentally compete and then get frustrated when my own goals for the workout are interrupted by my reaction to the other person's presence. So the first half of the run was better than the second by far, but I don't know how much of it was due to genuine fatigue versus the fact I was running with other clowns. I'm still dumbfounded that I was leading all that time though... it was an INCREDIBLY slow pace. Very interesting. But honestly it was an encouraging day-- to know that even with a crazy bum knee I was still holding my own on a long group run. And the fact that I could finish the run without breaking my leg off is also a HUGE development that I feel good about.

Today I volunteered at a sprint triathlon in Naperville, IL. I wanted to go to see what a triathlon looks like, especially the transition area! Unfortunately, our job was to hand out water and Gatorade at an aid station, so I didn't get a glimpse at transition at all. But I still had a good time! I got a great TNT T-shirt and socks! Also, I met some other people who are training with TNT for a different triathlon and they were a fun group. I am particularly grateful for a kind woman named Jin who came to pick me up at 3:45am! Such generous people in this organization.

I wanted to share something that a donor wrote in an email:

"I am sending you a check for the LLS in support of you and in memory of Glenda who recently died of leukemia. Glenda was 53 years old with a beautiful smile and countenance. And she had a great sense of humor. I miss her. Glenda was very grateful for the platelets she received as part of her treatment. She requested that memorial gifts be sent to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society." --Ruth Johnson, Salem, OR

It's been amazing to hear the stories that people have about their friends or family members who have encountered a blood cancer. It both amazes and inspires me when people donate in their honor. One does not need to be diagnosed with cancer themselves to see the profound impact it has on the entirety of life. I am pleased that so many are able to transform the horror of watching a loved one endure the battle into an opportunity to take a stand and do something about it. Donating will directly fund an organization that is diligently pursuing cures with integrity. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society is one that I so passionately support due to their absolutely fantastic and genuine work in this field.

So... surprise!! I can run for 60 minutes straight... and that is means for another wave of donations. =)

Bruise be GONE

First-- please accept my most sincere apology for the panic attack which was my last post. I won't attempt to explain it or make it better. It happened, it's over for the most part, we move on.

My bruise is almost completely gone:

No more crazy disgusting purple splotch to show the world. I am grateful as it did attract some.. unique characters. However, despite the lack of colorful decoration, the pain persists! Running is no painless endeavor, but after a run is the worst. The inflammation process is one that continues to plague and irritate me beyond belief. I am making incredibly slow progress, but progress nonetheless, and for that I will be grateful. I hit 4 miles today and that's exciting. I hit it slowly... but I hit it.

Swimming on Wednesday was... __________. I just can't think of the right word to describe it. Right before we got in the pool I felt weird.. I was still recovering from Tuesday's freak-out, and I ran a couple hours before I got to the pool, so my knee hurt... and everything going on in life all just made one funky emotional concoction. I was put in a lane with a crazy fast girl. During swim meets in high school, I remember a similar sense of panic and as soon as the gun fired, it was just an all out scramble to get to the end of the pool and back (heck yes 50 free). Any technique or strategy or anything I'd picked up in training was absolutely lost as I frantically flailed my limbs in every effort to go fast. When I was in the lane with this fast girl on Wednesday, the same thing happened! I was so worried about getting lapped (which definitely happened-- twice) and getting behind in the main set... It was ugly. If you've ever participated in a team sport, you can probably remember a practice where the coach seemed to completely harp on one person the WHOLE session. They couldn't do anything right in the eyes of the coach, and at every break or speaking opportunity a new command was barked at the poor soul who drew the short straw of being the focus of the coach's attention. On Wednesday, I was that kid. We started with the normal hum-drum drills which I really am not a fan of. Then we had a weird set-- 1x600 and 1x300 with 30 sec rest, then 6x50 w/10 seconds rest and a 200 cool down. NOT A HARD WORKOUT. Between the 600 and 300 I didn't take the full 30 sec rest because crazy fast girl had already started her 300 and was one lap ahead of me and I hate being behind. After the 600 the coachES asked me "did you stop between 600 and 300?" and I said "yes" because I did and then they just looked at each other. Then I was informed that my hips are "herky-jerky" and I need to focus on keeping my core tight so that my body rotates as one instead of my top half rolling to the side (freestyle is swum on one's side, not their stomach) while my hips stay flat. I agreed with the man and focused on it in the next drill. After the 6x50's I looked up at the coach in a "was that any better?" way and got a disapproving look that will stay burned in my memory for a very long time followed by "I'll talk to you after practice." my stomach PLUMMETED while my heart SHOT UP into my trachea-- not conducive for breathing-- AIRWAY! I have mentioned before that I hate to get 'in trouble' or reprimanded in any way. Believe it or not I am a people pleaser and I want those around me-- especially a COACH-- to be happy with my performance or role in whatever the activity. And obviously this coach was not happy. I cooled down trying to focus extra hard on being perfect. Out of the pool this is what went down:

COACH #1:
C: "You're obviously a swimmer. You have a very strong stroke. But you kill it with your hips."
(gotta love the 'compliment sandwich' approach... twist the knife!!)
K: "Oh."
C: "You need to focus on tightening your core and rotating as a whole instead of in halves..blahblahblahblahablhablahbalhablahablahblah"
K: "Okay."

COACH #2:
C: "Did he talk to you about your core?"
K: "I need to keep it tighter."
C: "Do you do ANY core work at all?"
K: "...Yes."
C: "REALLY. I wouldn't have guessed. You really need to work on that more."
K: "Okay."
C: "Did he talk to you about your entry?"
K: "No."
C: "Every time your hand enters the water you are stopping your forward propulsion from the previous stroke. That's very inefficient."
K: "Oh."
C: "Did he tell you about your head?"
K: "...No."
C: "It's all over the place.. up down side to side-- it is essential to efficient swimming that it is absolutely still... and yours is the opposite of still."
K: "Oh."
C: "So work on that this week."
K: "Okay."

A few thoughts:
* Of all things to target-- my core?! Particularly harsh.
* When I joined swim team in high school, I didn't know how to swim (gotta love peer pressure). So after I got taught the main stroke, the coaches kinda realized that I wasn't going to be winning any state championships and decided I wasn't really worth the time or effort of coaching. I'm genuinely over it because I didn't really want to win any state championships for them... swimming was a way to stay in shape when soccer wasn't as intense as spring, summer, and fall. So... I wasn't coached during high school at all really, and then the swim club at North Park never had a coach. I've kinda just done my own thing in the pool and it's worked out for the purpose of working out. Now that I have coaches who are actually coaching it is a tough mental shift to make to receive their coaching as helpful instead of hurtful. I have no doubt that the pointes they are making are incredibly legitimate- but man it's just... a bummer
* I really want to say that I was so worried about getting too far behind crazy fast girl and that is why my stroke went to pot, but I don't want to make excuses.

The rest of that night was ROUGH-- the El ride home was just awful, my head full of every critical point that was brought to my attention in the hour before, I just felt AWFUL and so incapable and embarrassed that I didn't perform better. And whenever I feel vulnerable like that, anything else significant in life automatically contributes to the distress: licensing exam, being broke, not being able to go home for...ever, needing to raise $1400 before August 4th..., SPANDEX?!, licensing exam, licensing exam, licensing exam... it all just collided to make for one ugly breakdown on the El. You know when you're on the train and there's someone that everyone notices but refuses to acknowledge? The elephant on the train, if you will...? That was me... weeping in the corner. Unfortunately, Wednesday nights are apparently THE night to be downtown and return to the northside on the Brown Line, as it is always CRAZY crowded and you can't breathe much less cry in private. It was the longest and worst El ride of my life!

But, I made it home (I turned down a wrong street walking back from the El station... twist the knife!!!) I was supposed to go to a Movie in the Park with my roommates, but couldn't bring myself to face anybody! I was so beside myself and not socially capable of anything. I went straight to bed and woke up the next morning still feeling ..off. But I woke up, and got out of bed, remembered to breathe in and out. The worst of that breakdown has passed, but the remnants are still there. I don't ever want to swim again! I'm just so embarrassed not only by my apparently AWFUL swimming ability, but also by my reaction to being coached! There is nothing wrong with what anybody said to me-- they're supposed to tell me what to fix in order to be a more efficient swimmer, they're doing their job! I'm mortified that I'm a crybaby and let their assessment hurt my feelings so dramatically!
Now I just have to decide what I'm going to do about it. More on that later, I'm still processing.

Meanwhile, I've gotten a couple more donations! I'm so excited that we've made such progress.

AUGUST 4th

is the deadline for fundraising!!!! By this time, we will have raised $2,000! That's so exciting. We still have a lot of work to do, so get excited, but also, be encouraged by where we're at! I'm still VERY excited (nervous-- but excited) for this triathlon and there is just over two months until the big day! HOORAY!

Spandex

During a study break today, I decided to go to the official website of the triathlon to educate myself a little bit on what to expect on the big day. Despite the fact that I intended my web surfing to last no more than a couple of minutes, two and a half hours later I realized that I had gotten completely engulfed (and overwhelmed by) what I found.
I was specifically looking for pictures. Below are SOME pictures I found of a World Cup Triathlon in Madrid... I have no clue how I stumbled upon them when I was looking for Chicago pics. I want to know what this race is going to look like, especially the transition areas. I need to mentally prepare myself for this stuff so I am not thrown off by it on race day. I saw the term "flying dismounts" and somehow ended up watching these videos of some World Cup triathlon... (click on Ishigaki, then select either the women's or men's video, both are equally daunting.) Many things about this video have caused me great distress:

1) SPANDEX: While I have known this whole time that spandex will be worn under my wetsuit, and then during the bike and run, I have managed to block that detail out of my mind. These videos, however, brought it to my attention in a dramatic way. The people in these videos are professional triathletes-- they can do spandex quite well. I am NOT a professional triathlete and probably never will be-- I am okay with that. Regardless, I still have to do spandex. I have never worn spandex outside of 4 year old gymnastic leotards that could still be considered cute no matter how much baby fat spilled out of them. I am 22. My baby fat is no longer cute. Tell me that you looked at the above pictures and did not automatically think "NO WAY would I bike in my swim suit." In this regard, the swim leg will be the best-- I will be in water and will have a protective wetsuit to suck everything in. However, upon emerging I will have to publicly strip off that armor and bear my spandex for a 40k bike and a 10k RUN. ...spandex is one thing-- running in spandex is a whole new level of humiliation! I am in a small (okay huge) state of panic about this. Maybe I will put some soccer shorts at the transition area to throw on over the spandex...? ugh.

2) IRON HORSE: I am mortified at the bike I have chosen to use in this race. The iron horse is sufficient for getting to work, the grocery store, some social endeavors... maybe even a pleasure ride along the lake. But she is hard to pedal as her mountain bike tires do grip the ground quite well. I am nervous about the distance of the bike and that my legs will be SHOT at the end of the bike consequently killing me for the run. I know that mentally I will be completely thrown if I am unable to perform at an optimal level during the run because my legs are too tired from the bike. I would do close to anything to obtain a road bike. Pretty much the only thing I won't do is buy a new one. AND-- I really don't know if the old IH will make it to the race! For pete's sake she is on her last spoke and it's only mid-June. Some serious tuning up is needed-- SERIOUS. I wish none of this cost money!

3) I've never done a triathlon and my first go at the sport is the LARGEST TRIATHLON IN THE WORLD. What was I thinking?! Of all 'maiden voyages' I choose the largest one possible?! I really don't do large crowds well (especially in previously mentioned spandex!)-- I am going to have a panic attack at this! I decided that I need to do a sprint triathlon before Accenture in order to mentally prepare for everything: how it all works, how transitions work, how my body will feel during the different legs, etc. I started looking for some and found one that is on August 2nd. I am about to sign up for it-- the one thing holding me back? You guessed-- $$$. It's a $50 registration fee, plus about $14 in processing fees. I want to be putting this money directly toward LLS. I know that I could weasel my way around it and say 'well, by making myself a better triathlete, I'll be more excited and able to do well in Accenture and that is what I am doing in order to raise money for LLS...' But it all seems kinda roundabout. If I can find a way to rationalize it legitimately, then I'll sign up.

Here's another video-- watch it, I'm not kidding. Then you'll understand my current state of mind...


...so... what?
In short (but not really.. this is long): I'm panicked. I know I have the physical ability to swim 1.5k, bike 40k, and run 10k. I think I can even do them one right after another. But the atmosphere of the triathlon is scaring me more than I can say and I am getting cold feet already.

BUT

I will NOT back down and I will do this-- it's just a matter of how gracefully I'll do it. I think it will be key to have perspective and remember WHY I am doing this. I am almost positive that the people diagnosed with cancer have panicked once or twice in their journeys. I bet that they have questioned their ability to fight such a disease and win, and have been worried about looking funny in the midst of it all. My anxiety about being glamorous and graceful really are so silly when I put them into perspective. Spandex might not be my best look, but I'll be competing in the race I'll have trained all summer for. My bike might not be awesome-- but I'll have a bike that will (hopefully) get me from point A to point B. It might be a HUGE event, but I have a wonderful training program that will prepare me for the event better than I could have prepared myself. This will be successful and we will raise $2,000 for LLS-- and honestly, that is all that matters.

"HOLY COW!"

What a fantastic expression to have come out of my mouth as I go to sleep last night AND wake up this morning! As I checked the fundraising site right before bed and FIRST THING this morning, I saw a new donation EACH TIME! I am so grateful and so ECSTATIC to report that we have reached $500 before recommitment! GREAT WORK!
Every donor is equally wonderful. My nursing buddy (who essentially got me through nursing school) and her husband, and anonymous! Awesome. Thank you so so much.
Anonymous donors: I find it admirable in a sense to donate anonymously... but at the same time, I am very intent on thanking those who donate. I feel badly when I cannot give due thanks! Please feel free to donate anonymously, don't get me wrong, but just know that I AM SO GRATEFUL and I would express it to you individually if I knew who you were!

Good work, friends. Get excited-- next goal: $2,000!

Hmm...

It's crazy to me that every time I wallow in discouragement, something great comes along and I am shaken out of it.
I don't even know if 'discouraged' is the right word to describe my mentality the past couple of days, but maybe... put-out, disgruntled, puzzled, maybe even overwhelmed.
Today is Sunday-- it is night, meaning it is almost Monday. The day after what is essentially today... so in a sense-- tomorrow-- is Recommitment Day. In essence this means $500 needs to be in the account I've set up and committed towards raising $2,000 in for LLS. Right now there's $430. The donation front has been dead silent since Wednesday. Don't get me wrong-- I am elated and beyond grateful and speechless at the donations that have come it. My parents, my aunt, my teammate, my babysitting family, my pharm professor, and anonymous... so incredibly generous, so incredibly appreciated. I don't want my perplexed-ness at the current standstill to seem like a lack of grattitude for the progress that has already been made. While I'm bewildered at those who have donated in the best way possible, I am also bewildered at the fact that I sent out over 200 letters and can count the number of people who've responded (one way or another) on two hands. I'm sure I'm learning some huge lesson in this process, and trust me I'm very excited to learn what it is. But, in the meantime, if you're planning to donate and just haven't gotten around to it, CARPE DIEM! The time is now, recommitment is just around the corner. If you have already donated-- THANK YOU a thousand times over-- but don't think you've exhausted your helping-potential; you can continue to spread the word to everyone who crosses your path-- EVERYONE. You never know who has been touched by cancer in one way or another, and supposedly people are excited to donate-- it's just a matter of asking. So please tell your friends! Forward them this blog site, forward them my fundraising site, and don't hesitate to give them my contact information so they can ask any questions or express ANY concerns.

A few randoms:

1) I have calluses on my hands from riding my bike everywhere-- does that make me a real biker?
2) My knee is at a standstill-- just like fundraising. I'm really bad at slow progression, much less stagnation! I'm excited that I can do 3 miles, but frustrated that it's still not a comfortable three miles, and that I haven't been able to break through it. Perhaps next week? Maybe when we break $500, I'll also break 3 miles. Worth a shot!
3) I am absolutely terrified when I ride my bike anywhere. As previously mentioned, I ride it EVERYWHERE so I spend a solid amount of time each day in an insanely fearful state. I really think I have a post-traumatic stress issue. It is starting to interfere with my life as I am just bitter and jaded as I ride my bike... 'These darn motorists... no respect for a biker!' I know that's untrue and that I am harboring everything that went with getting doored, but I don't know how to get over it! crazy!


I guess that's it. I always think of little tidbits I want to add on to this thing throughout the day, but then when I sit down to type, my mind goes blank. Rats.

PLEASE DONATE AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS!